New and need help

[floorance]

Good Morning!

My name is Julie and I'm a working mother/wife of 11 years. I have 2 children: AJ who is 9 and Jack who is 3. My husband is a stay-at-home Dad - pretty cool, huh?

My son AJ was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in 1st grade. We have never medicated him because my husband feels so strongly against it. Over the years, he has exceled in school - earning A's in most subjects without having to try. But, he is disorganized...because his mother and father are disorganized. And, if you know anything about ADHD kids, organization is KEY to helping them to feel secure and stay on track.

I need your help. Where do I start? Our house is a mess - not just cluttered, but dirty to boot. We have NEVER been cleaners...we will have "fire drills" when people come to the house - practically killing ourselves to make it look "respectable". My husband and I have made the comittment - we are going to change our lives. We want to be organized, have specific routines, be cleanly.

I would appreciate any advice as to where to start with this. SO OVERWHELMED at the moment.

Thanks and God bless!
Julie

[Indiana]

Welcome Julie.

A good place to start is by reading the 21 Essays by Cynthia Ewer:

http://shesorganized.organizedhome.com/ ... d-with-SHE

Along with that join in any activity here on the board for challenges and motivation. Posting in the daily Post Wghen You Can thread can help you stay on track.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Julie, welcome to our group!

You are in the right place. Basically, all of us (except Indiana) are ADD. But when Pam and Peggy (P&P) wrote about Sidetracked Home Executives (SHE) that term was not being used. So they stuck with Sidetracked. And many people prefer to think of themselves as distractable or sidetracked rather than as someone with a disorder.

P&P also didn't use medication (although later in life they told the SHEs that it might be a possibility that could be explored with one's doctor), they used card files. And humour. And celebrated our creativity. And our love of school supplies! (Among the common traits of SHEs is a love of going out and buying supplies to start a new system!)

Of course, the only way any system will work is if you actually follow it! So developing good habits is the best way to make the system work for you.

There is some evidence that if we do something for 21 or 28 days in a row it will become a habit. That was part of the basis for CEO's essays. She was trying to help us develop new habits.

The joy of making these forums part of your life, is that we will fully understand that developing the habit of making one's bed (even when one is in their 30's or 40's) is something to be proud of and celebrated. Basically, there is little you can admit to here than one of us hasn't already been through. And that goes for parenting challenges as well.

This is a safe forum so should you choose to 'move into our village' you'll get to know us as your virtual neighbours. We can't see your home IRL so will only see it through your posts but when posting here, you'll have a chance to work through your own situation and in explaining it to us, develop a greater understanding of what needs to be done to help turn things around.

Your dh needs to be on side with this, though, so I suggest that he read through the essays and any other resources we send you to. Whether you choose to set up a card-file system, a binder system or Flylady, or some combination of all of the above, you need to both understand how it will work so you can be working the system together, rather than working against each other.

I look forward to getting to know you better in the Post When You Can daily threads.

[lucylee]

Welcome! You will find so many supportive friends here! We're so glad to have you join us!

[Cowinkie]

Julie...
Nice to meet you...

I'm a JHS teacher and teach kids with special needs like ADHD. There are several good books that can help you with your son. I'll have to hunt around to find them for you as I am now on Summer break and much of my materials are at school. I've helped alot of parents work with their kids....backpacks are the pit of all evil. I am ADD as well, and am so glad we didn't have them while I was at school all those years ago.

Feel free to private message me if you'd like and I'll be glad to share anything I can to help.

[Cowinkie]

Julie...

I've used several of these books in my classroom. In fact one year I worked with one of my classes just to see if I could make a difference in their lives...by that I mean, so many of my kids say...I did my homework, but left on the desk...that kind of stuff. And many times it was true. Parents would say...I say him do it last night, but it got lost somewhere in his backpack. Don't get me started with backpacks and my kids

One week I assigned cleaning clutter from my students' room for homework...sent a letter home to the parents so they wouldn't think I was nuts. I gave simple assignments like just clean off the top of your dresser, but don't do more than 15 min. work or make a pile of dirt clothes and a pile of clean thats all for tonight. We'll work on getting them off the floor tomorrow.

I had remarkable results and parents were calling me because the kids were changing in front of their parent's eyes. Of course I coached my students every day...but more importantly most were still following "their own system" months later. I was told I gave the best homework assignments ever...and most of my students were boys

I just wish someone had taught ME how to be organized while I was in school. Perhaps it wouldn't have taken me 3 attepts at college before I earned my degree...with honors I might add...I flunked out of the other two...and age 41. All because I found the P&P sisters. Don't give up, I'm proof there is always hope.

This is one of the main books I used. I believe there is a website to go along with it...

http://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Inside ... ewpoints=1

Here's the other...
http://www.amazon.com/Wheres-My-Stuff-U ... _pr_sims_t

http://www.amazon.com/Wheres-My-Stuff-U ... ewpoints=1

[LurkyLou]

I don't feel I have ADD, so have nothing to contribute in that way. But helping with the house and where to begin? I can recommend Cynthia Ewer's book "Houseworks". (She's CEO) Pretty clear instructions and pictures....walks you through everything.

[Dove]

Hi floorance! I just wanted to say hello & welcome . You've gotten great advice here. I wasn't blessed with children so can't offer any advice in that department, but wanted to recommend the original "Sidetracked Home Executives" book by Pam & Peggy & also their "Get Your Act Together" book if you haven't already read them. The first book explains their system & is a humorous reminder that getting organized can be done no matter how disorganized your situation is when you begin. Both books really helped me with their concepts of activity lists & of having a focus for each day (errands, cleaning, desk work, etc). The 2nd book explains their updated version of the cardfile system.

Many systems are in use here; cardfiles, planners, a mixture of the two, PDA's, & I believe some computer calendars. Don't stress over setting up the perfect cardfile or planner & getting it completely put together all at once.

See you around the boards!