Blessed .... I am in a similar situation with my mom. She is now temporarily living with my brother and is being very nasty and negitive to everyone around. My brother called
To talk to me about it today.
My mom is physically well enough that we will let her live back in her condo with help. The problem is she too is isolated and has no friends any more and expects family to fill in the blanks for her... which isn't possible. Visiting angles will be helping out 3-5 days a week depending on how she does. She too would not join in functions at the 55+
Community when she first moved there nine years ago because... ok Elizabeth I can see you rolling your eyes... she had no male escort...it's a generational thing, but her loneliness is the consequence of her behavior. And now all she does is talk negitivly to the point that most get tired of being around her.
In the past my mom was very social and independent, but now she has begun to enjoy this learned helplessness because of the attention she gets.
I told my brother he needs to set boundaries with her as to what is acceptable within his family and I am very supportive of that. I also believe my mom is suffering from depression which is quite common among the elderly as their world changes and they loose control of their lives. Social services are helping out now and her PT people will come to her home for where sessions. I told my brother to look into any mental health services as well. And perhaps her dr or visiting angels can help with getting her checked for antidepressants...
I will be returning home in a week or two to get her set up in her condo. My brother was worried abt me coming, but I am much more prepared for my mom this time. And I too am setting boundaries. I am only going back for two weeks and will not allow her to wallar in herself pity. I spent twenty years changing behaviors in kids and am ready to do so with my mom.
Fortunately my brother and I are a strong unified unit with this... he is going to have a conversation with my mom tonight what she needs to do and I will reinforce what he says. We have agreed that if she can't make this move back to her condo, which is her wish, then we will have no other options than to return her to the assistant living facility that she just left... tough love is difficult, but sometimes for the benefit of the entire family needs to be done. My brother and I know others may disagree with others opinions, but we also understand there are just somethings that need to be done for the safety of our mother and the sanity of OUR immediate family.
My poor brother for the every first time told me he felt guilty about having our mom in his house, but I told home sometime you'd make the right choices and sometimes you make the choices right and not to worry becaauae I know he truly loves our mom, but he has to think about his own family first.