. I have a hard time when criticism is used when that person thinks it's supposed to help. No one wants to hear - if only you did this.... my way is the right way...
((((Blessedw2)))))) It sounds like our DMom's are very similar in this way. I have struggled for decades (and still do) with the constant criticism from my DMom.
My DMIL is totally opposite. In 40+ years, I don't believe she has criticised me a single time. I have given her MANY MANY reasons and opportunities to do so, but she has always been my biggest supporter. She has been in our home many times when I am being a complete failure in home keeping but she doesn't say a word and acts as if she doesn't see it. I adore her and welcome her into our home without a thought of how it looks.
Our DSon and DDIL are both slobs. They recognize this in themselves and deal with it the best they can. Each time we visit them, their home always looks like a home in a magazine because they always time the housekeeper to clean right before we arrive. Many times we have arrived when the housekeeper is still working. I find it somewhat amusing to see the spotless, clutter-free home return to "normal" as the hours pass. The spotless countertops and tabletops quickly fill up with things. Ditto on the shoes, blankets, toys, and stuff left lying around the living room. The thing that saves DSon and DDIL is they are good at decluttering. The last time we visited them was a community-wide garage sale. DSon & DDIL used the opportunity to fill their curb with stuff with the word FREE taped to them. Everything was gone within an hour. I'm a slob so I totally understand how hard it is to keep up with everything.
DD and DSIL have very few possessions so their home is clutter free and looks good.
They do have a "non-existing" room in their home that contains all of DD clothes. Only someone who has been around a bi-polar manic person can understand how much they can purchase. DD gave me a key to their home and permission to enter anytime. I have never used the key and won't unless DGD6 needs something from the house.
1. Know what you want.
2. Go after it relentlessly.