THURSDAY TO DO

The daily PWYC thread, where we gather to keep in touch, keep accountable and keep motivating each other.
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Kathryn-in-Canada
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby Kathryn-in-Canada » Thu Sep 13, 2018 12:28 pm

Twins: it was my grandfather who died on Christmas Eve. I was five so my remembrance is of my father being gone, then home for Christmas and then gone again for the funeral. That might not have even happened (given the state of air travel in 1965, I can't imagine it did), but that's my memory.

My own father died on Dec. 27/8 (through the night.) When I couldn't reach him by phone (after alerted by his friend who couldn't reach him), I had to s2s before driving over to check on him. In the shower, I remembered my grandfather had died at age 80 at Christmas and knew then my father was dead too (he was almost 87.)

As for holidays being forever overshadowed, dh's father died just before Christmas the following year. He was to come spend Christmas with us (to make up for my Dad's absence) but died before that could happen.

The year after that, I was in a panic and wondering if Christmas would be ruined forever. Trans Siberian Orchestra's heavy metal carols allowed me to at least have some Christmas music playing in the house and the volume and beat reflected my churning emotions. We returned to the Boxing Day party but Christmas Day itself was very subdued.

It has been 15 years this year since Dad died and now the loss/pain at Christmas is no worse than any other day when a thought/memory hits. Every time I step on the Halifax ferry, I tear up (Dad loved the ferry, that's where he bumped into Mom months after meeting her casually. He asked her out on a date before getting off, not wanting to pass up the opportunity a second time.) Sometimes when I pick up our binoculars (one set is from Dad, the other was Dad's.) When I listen to ds describe his new passion for tools and woodworking.

In other words, tearing up will happen whenever, but is no longer worse during certain times.

The key is to get to the point where we can function with the new normal, but still allow our memories to bring us to guilt-free tears. It is a balancing act and time teaches you how to do it.

Nancy and Twins: at some point the anniversary of the deaths take on less significance but I still remember my sister and mom on their birthdays.

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Kathryn-in-Canada
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby Kathryn-in-Canada » Thu Sep 13, 2018 12:31 pm

I s2s and vacuumed the living room before heading off to my workout today. I had a headache and slight dizziness when I went so took the car instead of biking. The workout felt good (but challenging since it is almost 4 weeks since my last one) and I felt fine until I got home.

Headache is back so I'll have a light lunch and then naptime. Maybe I'll get the dining room vacuumed while lunch is cooking. I have to break these things down into simple, short, tasks, now but they will get done. Paperwork on the other hand, is in crisis mode.

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lucylee
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby lucylee » Thu Sep 13, 2018 2:17 pm

LOTS to do today, but HOORAY -- home alone for a few hours so I CAN do it! DH is playing golf.

FIRST -- sending lots of good wishes to Harriet and all our SHEs and their families in the storm zone! (((BIG HUGS))) and prayers for safety and little or no damage to property.

Today's TO DOs:
[x] Emails re: teacher group next week
[x] Email to dfriend
[/] Zone -- den * Curtains in the washer now! Can't remember how long it's been since I washed curtains!
[ ] WHB -- finish vacuuming in den
[ ] Oil change in Tahoe
[ ] Pack for tomorrow

BBL!

I don't think I wished HRH a happy birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HRH, and stay safe! :D
Also, happy birthday (whenever it is) to blessed! :D :lol:
Last edited by lucylee on Thu Sep 13, 2018 2:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Tomorrow is another day.

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LadyMaverick
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby LadyMaverick » Thu Sep 13, 2018 2:35 pm

It is a balancing act and time teaches you how to do it.

I agree. I think each of us has to find our own way in grief. I think of my Grandparents, DDad and DBro often. Most of the time the memories of them bring nothing but smiles to my face and thankfulness for having such a good relationship with them. I feel like they are still with me in some ways. I speak of them often especially my DDad & DBro. However, I understand and respect that grief isn't the same for everyone. My DMom, DSIL and DNephew are still grieving over my DBro. (He died 12/24/2011) They can't talk about him without getting upset & crying.

I did not have a good night sleep. I woke up at 1:30am, went to the bathroom, checked on DS10 and then laid down again. Normally I fall asleep about 2 seconds after laying down but this time I didn't. I wasn't stressed about anything and didn't really have anything on my mind. I just wasn't sleepy. I listened to 40 minutes of podcast but was still awake. I watched a movie and finally fell asleep during it. I sleep until 8am so thankfully I did make up for the missing sleep hours.

Homeschool is going excellent. I changed the way we do the lessons and it has been VERY well received. Instead of focusing on one subject at a time (Math, grammar, history, etc), we now are cycling through the subjects doing one assignment in each subject. This works because I have each subject broken into short assignments and I can easily track which ones we have done and what is up next.
1. Know what you want.
2. Go after it relentlessly.

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lucylee
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby lucylee » Thu Sep 13, 2018 2:55 pm

Haven't cuop yet...

Pausing to do another email that had almost slipped my mind! :oops:
* WHB vacuuming done
* Curtains in dryer
* Throw rug in washer
* Zone vacuuming approx 1/2 done
Tomorrow is another day.

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lucylee
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby lucylee » Thu Sep 13, 2018 3:07 pm

Most of the time the memories of them bring nothing but smiles to my face and thankfulness for having such a good relationship with them. I feel like they are still with me in some ways. I speak of them often


Yes. Yes. LadyM, I feel this same way, as you said, most of the time. I doubt a day goes by that I don't think of my dgrandparents and ddad, my duncle and dcousin, and most of the time, I think of them with smiles and such happy memories.
Sometimes I am sad b/c I wish soooo badly they could have known my dgrands... but when I consider that my maternal dgfather would have turned 106 this summer... :shock: Well, that would be unrealistic, wouldn't it?
Sometimes I have regrets that maybe I didn't DO enough, spend ENOUGH time with them -- especially some regrets for not being able to be more help to dparents while they were in Houston those last four months, but you all went through that process with me and saw how many ups and downs, "we're coming home/we're not coming home" that period involved... and I think my dgrandparents knew how special they all were to me, even if life did get busy and maybe I didn't visit as much as an adult as I did as a child.
At any rate, you are exactly correct... grief is different for everyone, and I think everyone goes through cycles... and maybe we continue to go through those cycles forever. We may reach acceptance, but still fall into anger or denial, for instance, at times.

And you know something, people don't have to die for us to grieve a lost relationship, I think. Thinking of my dfriend who just left her family, sorta disowned her parents, and has not contacted me in over 7 years. Since I found out last year what had happened with her family relationships, I think I have experienced shock and anger and denial and everything associated with grief for her!
When we lose someone, there is such a helpless feeling -- because there is literally NOTHING we can do. We can't SAY anything else to them to "fix" things, we can't DO anything more for them, we are just left with our own feelings and memories.

Well. I did NOT mean to get so philosophical about all THAT. WHEW.

Back to the ZONE.
Tomorrow is another day.

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Twins' Mom
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby Twins' Mom » Thu Sep 13, 2018 3:52 pm

I was glad I saw the therapist, I'll go again in two weeks. I'm not so much grieving for my sister, I think, as the loss of shared memories with dsis, dbro and even dmom. And mom's house house and all the family things with memories attached. I have kept myself remarkably busy which has kept a lot of emotion at bay, too.

Anyway, I feel wiped out now. I may do a short nap.
Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better [wo]man. Ben Franklin

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Kathryn-in-Canada
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby Kathryn-in-Canada » Thu Sep 13, 2018 4:16 pm

I napped. Need to have some tea now.

I made a DPC when I got up so that is done and paid two bills. Also saw a reminder to check to see if I'm on the municipal voter list. This morning I pulled out a voter list notice from the mail box but didn't check it (just noted it along with aalll the other mail since I hadn't been to the box since Friday.) Turns out it was for the tenant who moved from here prior to Feb 2014. We voted in October 2014 by filling in a special form and having ID. But apparently that didn't add us to the list.

I posted a reminder in FB group as well.

Now I should get up and vacuum the bedroom area. I did get the dining room done while my lunch was cooking so just the bedrooms left. And then dusting, mopping and kitchen chores. When you break down the house blessing into small bites, it takes a looonnnngggg time to get done each week. But anything more concentrated isn't healthy for me.

Today is the 2 week mark since I was knocked down. Obviously, I won't be one of the people who recover from a mild concussion in 2 weeks.

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Nancy
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby Nancy » Thu Sep 13, 2018 4:58 pm

K in C thanks for that insight. Mom's bday is on day after the death day, on a diff mo. I will be trying to think of some good memories.

I watched a sad movie think it was a true story. The main character pet did not make it.

Dishes are done. We had so e rain clouds and now the sun is out.

Resting is helping l am feeling better now. But still not 100%.

I did a bit of writing.
Walked the dog.
It rained so I did not have to water.
Last edited by Nancy on Thu Sep 13, 2018 8:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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lucylee
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Re: THURSDAY TO DO

Postby lucylee » Thu Sep 13, 2018 8:16 pm

Today's TA-DAs! :D
[x] Emails re: teacher group next week
[x] Email to dfriend
[x] Zone -- den
-- washed curtains & windows (not the tops of the outside, though)
-- washed throw rug
-- vacuumed furniture, some behind furniture
[x] WHB -- finish vacuuming in den, hallway, computer room, guest bath
[x] Oil change in Tahoe
[x] FINALLY, LOL, s2s & washed hair
[x] Pack for tomorrow
[x] Cooked supper, ate, s/s kitchen
Tomorrow is another day.


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