joy in not overwhelming ourselves in expectations Sunday

[blessedw2]

did i see that you have had pain d lady. praying for the pain to go away.

praying for your dh's cousin d harriet!

good night d twins, d harriet, d lucy, d dee, d elizabeth, d lady, and d everyone that i can't see going backwards - sweet dreams to all.

[Elizabeth]

Hi everyone! I made a list for today, but it was not overwhelming. It is not completely done yet, but progress has been made and it is break time. So far, I have attended Sunday school and church, tried to pick up Thorin's food (will have to order online), enjoyed the planner meeting, got groceries, cleared one kitchen table, and completed bills and budget. Still on deck: clear the other kitchen table, clean master bath, put away the rest of the groceries, determine if I need to do LOLs, and the usual nightly stuff.

An awesome, unplanned success came from a Goodwill run. It was close to the planner meeting and I was too early, so I decided to look for yarn. No yarn, but I got a turquoise and silver sequin dress for $8!!! I can use it in a dance costume.

Y'all are making me glad that I will never again have to work what I want around a man. I suggest Kathryn check out meetup.com to find other hikers. I know it sounds like a singles site, but it is not. In my area there are hiking groups, in addition to my knit and crochet groups.

lucylee: Though it seems unlikely, coughing blood is associated with TB. No one thinks about it anymore, but it has hit three members of my family, none of whom had any risk factors, except that one lived in Atlanta.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Y'all are making me glad that I will never again have to work what I want around a man. I suggest Kathryn check out meetup.com to find other hikers. I know it sounds like a singles site, but it is not. In my area there are hiking groups, in addition to my knit and crochet groups.

First, I understand your feelings on this. Several of the older women in this complex have said the same thing - they love living life the way they want to and while they like the company of men, they like it in small doses, an evening here or there, no more!

One of the reasons I support dh on this latest volunteer job and with going to Africa each year is that I like have blocks of time where I don't have to work around dh's time or meal tastes.

Second, you are forgetting my often debilitating shyness when you suggest something like meetup.com but I might be able to find someone here in the complex who would like to go. The issue then is I'm balancing their schedule with my schedule (and energy level) and dh's schedule.

But, I still would like to figure out how doing things with dh could be a regular part of our lives. I don't like that we are living increasingly separate lives.

The candles are finished. I have to rush to get into bed by 10 (still have to wash up dishes and do nighttime tidying) but the candles and holders are finished. I got rid of precious little. I love everything I have (and have done two previous culls.) This time I did manage to let go of candles that were 40% burned. And I didn't even put them up on the BuyNothing group in case someone had a craft to do with them. They are organic, they will eventually compost in landfill.

[LadyMaverick]

I had a great day today. I am thankful. I spent several hours outside in the sunshine piddling with my container garden. I dumped dirt, mixed amendments, refilled earthbox, transplanted 7 plants, spray painted 3 containers, planted seeds, and just generally enjoyed the solitude and doing mindless tasks.

It's almost time for DKids bedtime. This marks the end to spring break. Tomorrow returns to the regular school schedule.

A funny....DGD7 told me that when she charges her tablet it becomes heavy. She doesn't want to get it charged to 100% because it will be too heavy.

[LadyMaverick]

I still would like to figure out how doing things with dh could be a regular part of our lives. I don't like that we are living increasingly separate lives.

Interesting perspective.

I never thought of DH and I living separate lives. We encourage each other to pursue things that interest us. We each know where & what the other one is doing almost 100% of the time. DH loves watching sports on TV and listening to it on the radio. I have tried and tried to get interested in sports just so we can do it together.....but I have zero interest in it. I'm thankful that DH is totally fine with my lack of sports knowledge and interest. Thinking....pondering.... there are many more things that one is passionate about and the other has no desire to do. Does that mean we are living separate lives? Hum.....

I guess DH and I could take turns doing things together. He could play in the dirt with me and I could watch a sports game with him. NAhhhhhhhh.....just the thought of doing that made me squirm. That would make both of us bored and have to fake an interest in the activity. If pursuing our own interest and doing activities separately means we are living separate lives then I'm okay with that.

[BookSaver]

Hello, villagers,
I had a lot of fun at sewing camp Thursday moring and Friday/Saturday 12 hours each. Most of them were wonderful about pitching in to help with the work involved in the event. All of them had beautiful fabrics and interesting projects. Lots of inspiration!

I've been trying to think of how to describe this particular group of friends. I can't think of them as close friends, because we really do not have anything else in common other than our love of sewing. I don't know very much about most of them personally. For example, some of them have never talked about their families at all, not even mentioning how many children and grandchildren they have, if any.

The main reason for lack of general chat is the format of our meetings, which are structured to be educational rather than social. People show up just before the classes and leave immediately after, without any more than courtesy greetings. I also have the challenges that I've always lived so far away from everyone else, my work schedules have been more or less nontraditional, and visits to both my family and my in-laws involve long drives. The logistics of working out blocks of time to socialize with casual friends are difficult for me, especially since I'm much more of an introvert than an extrovert.

From some brief conversations over our 3 days together, I know that if I spent a lot of time with a few of them, we would have serious disagreements about politics, science, family, beliefs, health habits, music, entertainment, and community. However, I've been acquainted with each of them for many years as we have belonged to this sewing group that meets every month.

If feels kind of weird when I ponder it for too long. It also feel wonderful to think that 1 single thing in common has formed a strong thread between so many women that has lasted for such a long span of time.

Anyway, enough deep philosophy. Today I've been catching up on dishes, laundry, and sleep.
I've started to cuop, which is always enjoyable.
Y'all are doing so many interesting things every day.

[RunKitty]

Don't second guess yourselves, LadyM. You guys are obviously just fine. We have a similar situation here (except I am the one who loves watching and listening to sports)
We have many different interests too, and also support each other in those activities. But when we do even the simplest things together, like a trip up to L owe's, we have such fun together. We are so blessed!!

[Harmony]

I see the difference in Kathryn and DH and LadyM and DH. Kathryn wants to do things with her DH. LadyM is happy doing things by herself. She is not waiting to do things she would only do with her DH.

My problem is the things DH loves to do and wants to do exclusively, he drags me into and I don't want to do them any more. I don't want the mental worry about all of this and I totally think it isn't good for DH. He refuses to figure out something else to do by himself or with me. It drives me crazy sometimes when he has no work to do and he'll come to me and say "What are we going to do today?" Well, I have 2 tv shows to watch, a book to read, some sewing to catch up on, a letter to write, a trip to buy a birthday gift for somebody, a cabinet to declutter........ and now I have to entertain HIM?

We had heated words about his quitting this work. Yesterday was not a good day for us. He does not want to be responsible for things around here, like planning dinner and making sure I have something to eat... closing blinds and fixing the lights if we're going to be out and coming home after dark... watching to see if he needs to do laundry (his) soon... we walked out this evening to go to small group and who had to go back into the house to pick up the box of cookies we bought to take along?

I am off balance because of my uneven eyes and I simply went on strike. Tried to cook a little dinner last night and it burned and I threw it away. The lights bother my eyes so much and I can't squint my bad eye shut all the time without my face getting sore... so it helps to sit quietly with my eyes shut. I had trouble at church today, kept running into people. We are crowded in the outside hallways and I couldn't see people to my left... then we went to a meeting there and DH spent time helping them clean up and take big bags of garbage out to the enclosed bin... and there I stood while they were going to lock up that building. Went to sit in the courtyard because I didn't know where he was....

Oh well that's a long story. I'm thinking maybe LadyM is just more patient with her DH when he goes off and does his own thing...

Coming home from small group tonight, it looked like everybody had decorated for Christmas. Big globes of red and green and blue lights hanging from everything. Very pretty. Of course, it was just whatever my eyes were doing with the streetlights and porch lights etc. I've had black "bubbles" floating in my sight since the left surgery and 90% of those bubbles are gone today but I still have a lot of floaters and my sight looks "muddy" though not as much. Is it beginning to clear up? I sure hope so.

Dee, I read back and that was blessed who said something about her DH eye, not you. I'd misread that. So I will ask her about it tomorrow when I think she's here. All smart people are in bed by now.

[blessedw2]

this was such an interesting discussion day.

Dh is home and has no hobbies that have him be with others. The girls suggested things and I have but he does not have interest in them. It is hard. We have come to an agreement - now we laugh before not so much especially when he couldn't drive - that I am happy he loves certain things but oh my gosh almighty they bore the daylights out of me!!! he in his own right has no interest in things I do.

We have so many core values together and he makes me laugh. However we can't go out to functions etc. bc he gets overwhelmed by too much noise etc and he is good about his own talk but not really good on finding out about what someone else is saying. Too busy in his own head on how to be a bit funny or so involved only in cars etc. that he thinks about what he is going to say instead of conversing. (a little insecurity without knowing he is insecure).

He does get depressed some days like all of us. He gets stuck. I do too especially when trying to find the new path (next path) (learning, activities) of where I am going and what I want to do and get stuck for a bit. We go through where he wants to be entertained - happened when he got sick and still comes up bc he is afraid to go off on his own. I have to say no and still take date time doing what he loves.

I feel guilty but, know for myself, I have to keep going and I can't be his entertainment. he gets stuck on always needing me easily. (I am sure his illness did that). I will say he is getting better, much better, at enjoying his time on his own and finding things to do but always in his same routine. It's so fun to see him taking time to learn.

The main problem is that His heart wants to go with the girls and I on big things but can only handle an hour and then we have to go home so that is hard. Trying to find the balance where he feels he has adventures with me and really being able to have the adventure (the full time) has been a challenge.

Finding the new way is a challenge but can be fun too and other times an adjustment. I think the hardest thing, for me, is guilt and saying that I need to continue with what I want to do. Every time I come back, though, he is happy and has enjoyed his day (as long as he has a car to go out ... lol in winter he doesn't drive his car he drives mine).

Such an interesting discussion. I realized I can't make anyone happy no matter how much I want to.