joy in not overwhelming ourselves in expectations Sunday

[blessedw2]

Kimmy of she's in her apron said: PROGRESS IS ENOUGH

Are you a perfectionist thinker? Are you harder on yourself for what you think you should be or do instead of appreciating what you do each day.

Kimmy's view is that we always remind ourselves of what we didn't do (thinking we should be perfect) instead of what we do. Kimmy started writing down each day what she actually did or all the pluses she did just being her in a day. (the smallest things, the normal etc).

this week find joy in not overwhelming yourself with your expectations. Enjoy staying away from perfectionist thinking. Find the good.
See what your day is actually like instead of what you think you should do. You do more in a day - love more in a day - than you realize.

I wish you a peaceful joy filled week. appreciate yourself!

[CathyS]

Hi!

Both suitcases have been unpacked. I will try to put them away later today. Dh is demolishing the hallway. He needs to be busy with something. He admitted that he woke up in tears during the night. Poor man feels so bad.

I have done one load of laundry which is finished in the dryer but I can't get to it. There is also a load finished in the washer that I can't get to.

Dh and I went and got meat and fresh vegetables and also made a stop at the bakery for lots of bread. They had fresh, warm from the oven hot cross buns. He loves them and he bought 8! He had 4 for lunch. I am NOT going to say anything because I know he's feeling so down.

We are having 2 huge steaks tonight and I have already made the coleslaw. Dh wants to BBQ.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

I'm up and dressed. Of course, it is 11:06 so this shouldn't count as an accomplishment!

Tomorrow morning I need to be out of here by 9. I'm not sure what I'm doing with dgs but it will be an adventure of some sort since I refuse to babysit him at home. This is at the request of his parents who want some time to get things done. I can't imagine how they thought they ever should have had 7 kids, two of them can't handle an infant who doesn't move, and a toddler and still do things like laundry and housework. I get that depression plays a role in that, but I'm struggling here with the same thing and yet find myself helping them instead of working on my own home.

I understand now I'll have to hire help when I get really old since I won't be able to count on them.

I should be at church this morning with dgs so he could hear and see children playing violins. I'm not because it is a church service and that is not allowed for him. I have said that church is the best way for him to experience music and sitting still to listen to music since 1) it is free, 2) people welcome children and 3) he can come and go as he pleases so we can leave early if necessary. I will not pay for him to go to any concerts until he learns these skills so if they are not willing to let him learn this way, it will be their responsibility and cost (both for his ticket and mine) to give him experiences. Basically, I understand this means that they won't and he won't and he'll be yet another kid off to kindergarten that has not learned to sit and listen and he'll never get to experience concerts because he has not been taught to sit and listen, let alone appreciate, live performances. I feel sorry for the kid.

Anyway, that just adds to my depression.

Dh is leaving in 30 minutes. I'll wait for the Uber with him downstairs and then figure out what I want to do today. It is sunny and not extremely cold so maybe I should go for a walk.

[LadyMaverick]

I'm up today.

Yesterday I reached my limit on hurting and wanted a break from it so I stayed in bed. When I lay still I don't hurt. I didn't plan to stay there the entire day but that is how it turned out. I watched episode after episode of Gilmore Girls and just lay there in total comfort. DH encouraged me to stay still and let my body heal. DD picked up DGD7 yesterday morning and kept her all day/night. DH monitored DS10 played outside with friends for most of the day. I didn't even turn the pc on yesterday. That is VERY rare for me.

I CUOP'd this morning -

He has been coughing and coughing and coughing. At first it was all clear, but he says it is beginning to be dark-tinged and he thinks some blood. He says it feel like someone is twisting a knife in his chest every time he coughs. LadyM, is this what led you to the chiropractor?

LucyLee - This is different from my chest pain. I don't cough or sneeze AT ALL because it hurt too much. I have no mucous or need to cough. Mine isn't a lung thing. They think mine is muscle/skeleton/nerve related. I hope your DH seeks medical advice. The constant coughing is hard on the body.

Re: Ring cameras. We absolutely love ours. We have the ring doorbell camera plus other ring cameras that activate floodlights at night. DH said they were easy to install. We pay $3 a month for each camera to have the videos kept for a couple of years. You don't need to pay this monthly fee if you don't want to be able to go back and review your videos. The cameras have been handy for a multitude of reasons other than porch thief. I cannot hear our doorbell in some parts of the house and back yard but I can always hear the ring camera notification that someone is here. The ring cameras underneath the eve of the house let me know when someone pulls into our driveway so I have a minute or so heads-up before they arrive at the front door. Yesterday I didn't bother going to the door when I was laying down. The ring app showed that a couple of DS10 friends were at the front door. It was easier to use the camera system to talk to them and let them know that DS10 wasn't home. I use the cameras to monitor the kids playing outside. I use the cameras as an intercom system to talk through when I want to get someone's attention.

((((Cathy & DH))) Oh NO! I'm so sorry this happened and no one told you to expect it. This has to be extremely frustrating!

 find joy in not overwhelming yourself with your expectations.

Blessed - Thanks for this reminder!

I stayed home from church today. Last week I attended church but was in so much pain by the time I got home. I literally slide my body out of the SUV so I could minimize the movement from being so bloated.

I am going to capture what I accomplish today. I need that feeling of joy from accomplishment instead of the frustration from focusing on what needs to be done. I won't bore you with the detailed list. I'll track it offline.

[CathyS]

I've heard that pineapple juice helps with coughing.

Dh is taking apart the back hall very neatly and methodically. Saving all the nails and screws. He asked for a sheet he could hang up to reduce the dust in the rest of the house.

He's a very good man.

[LadyMaverick]

He's a very good man.

Priceless!!! (((Hugs))) & POTB to CathyS for being such a supportive spouse during difficult times.

[blessedw2]

I agree with d lady - priceless d cathy!

[Nancy]

Waving to all. Plenty of expactatins here this week h bday week. I cooked omelettes for us for breakfast. I hgave a pkan for one meal, need to change the other possibly bc of rain not conductive to bbq burgers.

[CathyS]

Normally when my dh does construction or demolition work around the house, there is a bit of cussing or muttering or banging and smashing above and beyond. Today he was absolutely quiet. He really hasn't said much all day. Hall looks great so far. 2 useless closets were removed along with the home made (ugly) bench between the 2 closets. NOW there is space. Decided that we should paint the entire area white. It has been grey. When dh took everything down on the one side, there are white walls and exposed cement block walls. It was the original wall to the house back in 1952.

I think dh is sleeping. I also thought we were going to buy a shop vac.

I'm just going with the flow here and trying to let him rest. Demolition is hard work.

[lucylee]

He IS a good man, Cathy! A lot of people (men and women) would just sit down and pout and try to make everyone else just as miserable as they were. In spite of his own sadness and disappointment, he is trying to move forward and make things better for you. That IS priceless. And kudos to you too!!! Steaks sound delicious -- and mmmm... so do those hot cross buns! Sometimes comfort food can be VERY comforting. And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as one doesn't indulge for a month, you know...

So... I'm thinking maybe I can take credit for some of blessed's inspiration this morning? I will take credit anyway whether it is deserved or not, because it certainly hits home with what we were discussing last night and my need/desire for perfectionism. DH and I talked about that last night and he tried to make me see that I don't have to go out looking for ways to be a "better" Christian, or anything else (wife/mother/daughter/etc). He said if I would just think about it, some of these people who are at our church every other day of the week, working in sewing groups or community closets or such as that -- these people have no children or grandchildren in town, their parents have long since passed away, and they have all kinds of time on their hands. As blessed said last night -- other people have other experiences. DH pointed out that MY mission right now is to help ds & ddil with the grandchildren, and be available when my mother needs me, and to help our friend who is in bankruptcy when she needs a supportive listening ear. He said plenty of opportunities to be a "good Christian" come my way every week and I don't have to go out volunteering for every opportunity that is posted in the church bulletin.
I think concentrating on the positives of my day is a very good way for me to begin with my new PIE philosophy --
PROGRESS IS ENOUGH.
Thank you!

Today, for example, I have all my weekly tasks and morning routine done, except Bible reading. (It's kind of sad to say, but morning Bible reading always suffers on SUNDAYS. That is because I am always in a rush to get dgs up and dressed.
I have also read the newspaper and straightened up the bed in the "baby" room... sent an email to my daunt... put my FitBit on the charger...

two of them can't handle an infant who doesn't move, and a toddler and still do things like laundry and housework. I get that depression plays a role in that, but I'm struggling here with the same thing and yet find myself helping them instead of working on my own home.

Mmm hmmm... yep... sometimes I certainly KWYM, Kathryn...
Keeping my mouth closed... remembering, other people have other experiences...
Read a quote just today that said "Once you become a mother-in-law, you should cut off three feet of your tongue."
I am disregarding that advice, however, and I keep on keeping on, trying to convince ds/ddil that if they would just set aside 15 minutes every night before bedtime, and each and every one of them spend 15 minutes putting things away, they would be amazed at (1) how much more agreeable dgs would be to this practice and (2) how much difference it would make in the household.

It also just makes me sad that they don't even allow dgs to go to church with you, Kathryn.

(((LadyM))) I hope you feel better soon.
I've heard that about pineapple juice, also, Cathy! I must remember to tell dh! Thanks for the reminder. (He's not crazy about pineapple, but he is less crazy about coughing.)

DH did not go to church this morning, and after eating lunch, he is back asleep on the couch now.
I don't know if he will be able to do the funeral visitation (for our doctor's mother) this evening and the Walmart trip. Dmom is going to try to go to the visitation, so if dh doesn't go, I might try to meet dmom there.

Right now, I'm going to take myself to the den and join dh for some r&r and basketball.
DID Y'ALL SEE??? Our team is headed to the Sweet Sixteen!!! And probably will be playing Harriet's team (? I think) next depending on how things go today for them. We are just all kind of giddy about this -- it has been, I think, about 30 years since our basketball team has been this good and made it this far in March Madness... and since our football team has struggled so much the past few years, this is a welcome relief.
We're watching Tennessee right now. Or rather, dh is sleeping and Tennessee is on tv.