joy in not overwhelming ourselves in expectations Sunday

[DeeClutter]

I too love that song, Kathryn. Dpastor was really choked up after we sang that. He's such a great fit for our church -I'm sure I've said that more than once.

[lucylee]

(((Kathryn)))

[LadyMaverick]

Knew I had a hard time sleeping last night but dd looked at my 'sleep' on fit bit and found I actually had 2 hours and 48 minutes. I'm guessing that's not enough for me (or most people for that matter).

Dee - I'm thrilled that you are receiving the information you need to make health improvements. I hope it is helpful to guide you and doctors in making adjustments.

Since starting to track my sleep I have continually improved it. I used to be content with averaging 5 hours of sleep. I've managed to boost my sleep average to over 7 hrs now. I'm working toward averaging 8 hours. One of the improvements is I don't have little ones sharing my bed space anymore. Welll.....almost. DGD7 had nightmares twice this past week and came to my bed around 3am. It's easier to just let her climb in bed and snuggle with me. I have a daily SHE card that says "Check sleep on Fitbit - Information = knowledge". it takes less than a minute to check it and I find it valuable feedback.

I am happy to be making progress. I'm written down 31 things that I've accomplished today. That is a HUGE improvement over yesterday.

[LadyMaverick]

Aside from doing things with dgs, I don't have a clear vision of what I want to do with 'retirement'

Kathryn - you mentioned some things that you want to do only if your DH is available. What if you focus on what you want to do regardless of DH status.

DH and I have several interests that do not involve the other. DH has almost no interest in several of my favorite things to do.... gardening, quilting, YMCA, hiking, decorating. He supports and encourages me to do those things but they don't involve him (other than occasionally taking care of kids while I do something). DH volunteers over 20 hours a week that I have no interest in doing. He likes to work in his shop and build wood and metal stuff. DH is very outgoing and loves to visit and will spend hours each week talking to people. I've heard that opposites attract. I don't know if that is true in all cases but it works well for DH and myself. We are both busy doing things almost all the time but our retirement fun things are mostly done without the other one.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Kathryn - you mentioned some things that you want to do only if your DH is available. What if you focus on what you want to do regardless of DH status.

That I already do to a certain extent. I treat myself to lunch out alone about once a week and with the kids about once a week.

I do spend time with dgs.

I spend some time watching Netflix (probably 2 - 3 times a week I try and find something that dh doesn't want to watch.)

I'm doing the Konmari stuff now.

I do the refugee work (that's coming to an end) and the preaching (also coming to an end, by choice.)

I moderate the SHE boards and the apartment complex FB group and I am president of the residents' association.

And those are all things that I like to do.

I find the noise here bothers me so I've rented a cottage away from everything for a week while dh is in Africa.

BUT, I'd like to spend time with dh doing things with him instead of him working on his computer stuff or traveling and me doing my community stuff.

We go out to concerts/plays, averaging one per month. And occasionally I'll go with him to a movie (I don't like those as much.) But aside from that we really don't do anything together. I'd like to go hiking. I've even bought a map of all the trails in the Gatineaus (the hills across the river) and I'd like to hike most of them (some are multi-day back-woods hikes, so 'no thank you') and I am not comfortable going off hiking by myself. Dh is more than happy to hike the Inca Trail or Kili but he won't go hiking with me across the river.

I'd like to go visit dd's godparents. They are still working so it would be great if we went to their city to visit them. We never see dh's sisters because he doesn't go visit them.

I'd like to go visit dfs and his family. I have been once without dh but I'd like to go to Nova Scotia with him since the trip wouldn't just be seeing dfs, it would be time visiting with my cousins or enjoying the ocean. It isn't as if dh doesn't like to travel. He just doesn't seem to want to go where I want to go. He says he does but there's never time to actually book a trip because he's always just about to go somewhere and therefore has to work to prepare for the trip he's taking or to prepare for him being away a long time from his work. The last time we drove to Nova Scotia, we had to ask for late check out and rush back from dinner in order for him to be able to do his conference calls. I had to build that into our travel schedule.

I'd like to take the train on a day trip with dgs to both Montreal and to ds's new place. I can't do that on my own, I need dh to help me with those adventures.

For that matter, I'd like to go visit ds's new house and see how he has set everything up (I haven't been since during the move in January.) That I could do on my own but the drive would be nicer if I was doing it with dh so we could chat in the car.

The only trip dh will happily do, leaving everything behind, is a cruise, but he likes long ones. He's itching to get to Antarctica. I'm not interested. Even if I was, I don't want to have to spend that amount of money and time just to do something with dh. We should be able to just pick-up and go do something together lasting 2 - 3 days or even an afternoon.

[Twins' Mom]

This is an interesting discussion LadyM and Kathryn. I've said I hope dh doesn't retire anytime soon. He doesn't have hobbies, except for bowling and that hurts his back and feet. I'm not sure why he keeps at it because he comes home hurting often. On Saturdays and Sundays he sits in front of the TV an awful lot but seems to expect me to come up with things to do with him. He's bored but has no motivation to figure out something fun to do, either together or separately. There are times we don't talk that much because he wakes up before dark thirty and I wake up after he's headed to work. But he loves his work, thankfully. I just worry about what he'll have when he's eventually done there.

Reading Kathryn's last response. Dh wants to travel but he likes little short trips. Of course, he doesn't have to make arrangements for the dog and house and I often feel it's not worth it to get away for a long weekend. He wants to go to Europe, but won't commit to 10 days or two weeks. And truth be known, I'm not that keen on traveling but do enjoy it once I get away.

Lucylee, I just didn't want to get sucked into the game on TV. I just kept on working and refreshing the tab with the score until it was final and they won!

I have not heard anything from dh. He was going to text or call me when he got to ATL and give me the no of his flight to here so I can check it. I need to pick him up at the airport....

[Twins' Mom]

In part, sometimes I'm afraid I'd rather do things alone than with dh. I'd like to hike or walk - but his back and feet and physical condition precludes that.

And working on genealogy problems can be so enjoyable, certainly more enjoyable than what he likes to do on Sundays now: drive around and look at houses

[Harriet]

Cathy, the only thing people in ya'll's community need to know is that you didn't go yet, and may go on a different trip later. That reaches the edge of most people's interest, anyway. The time they will get really interested and ask questions is another day when you have a faraway story to tell, and that's to be expected.

Elizabeth, that is a fascinating boarder you may have.

Lots of responsibility this a.m., including a deacon's meeting in which I made a speech from treasurer's point of view at this time. It was a quick and perhaps surgical truth-cut that should have surprised no one and came to conclusions that I firmly believe everyone there wanted to hear. This was percentages of budget and of income (2 different things) that are sobering but could change if and when we move along into interim time, rather than continuing the high costs we have now.

Dd and I took dstepson to late lunch to commemorate his short time home before next flight.

Fielded looong phone call from HRH's dsister. Learned difficult things about HRH's dcousin with cancer. Later HRH was able to call that household and offer some support.

joy in not overwhelming - I didn't go to church this evening. For one thing, I was on phone with a very concerned sister-in-law who needed a talk with me. For another, I'd just spent an important time with dstepson that can't happen again for a month at least.

Whether HRH and I will spring out of this enforced sit-in when mid-summer rolls around, I don't know. We may be quite happy with normalcy or surprise ourselves with trips or something - it will be interesting. But right now we say we're "joined at the hip". I know I want Christmas to be really full BUT (I think) I also want my course to work out (Oct to Mar), which will take a lot of time.

[Harriet]

Hope the ball game was fun - I enjoyed the color commentary!

Actually, lucylee, you came in with a very short post the other night. (friday?) and worried me. Not used to a quick read from you - doesn't compute, very disconcerting.

LadyM, I'm sorry to hear you are having this pain.

Twins' very cool that she had a lot more people than she expected to come. Hope it was a success. It's okay to have "not quite ready for prime time" speakers because it's meaningful and memorable anyway. When there's not much that's not perfect, it's probably not going to be that time that everyone remembers.

Sleep well tonight, Dee.

[blessedw2]

sweet dreams for all

it was fun today. dd older got rid of a lot of things but we also had a good giggle about a lot we went through.
dd older and dd younger really laughed a lot today too going over pictures and keepsakes.