Monday, Monday...

[lucylee]

Since it is already Monday in all the North American time zones, I think, I thought I would start a new page.
Night Three in this very quiet house, except for the sounds that make me sure someone is breaking in... what was that... that's a weird sound... etc. Second night alone. (Last night I barely slept two hours, but having dgrands here was a huge help.)

I've read through or at least skimmed through Sunday's posts, and I just want to thank you all, again, for keeping us in prayer and thinking of me as you go through your day.
The last two days have been awfully hectic -- at times ds and I had three phones ringing (his, mine, our landline), text messages dinging, and someone knocking at the door. We have enough food to feed an army. It is a wonderful problem to have at a time like this, of course. Busy is good. As long as I am talking to someone, I can hold it together, laugh at funny stories, share non-dh related stories, and just normally carry on. But the minute I'm left alone, I get a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach and start tearing up.
Tonight after ds and ddil left, I really had a big cry. I was reading all the FB posts, comments, how much dh meant to his ballplayers and students, some of my family members posting how we had lost another precious family member, a great one, etc..., and I just had a complete come apart. I did text back and forth with a dfriend whose husband also had CHF and died a few years ago. She was very reassuring.

Nodding my head in agreement with HRH, Sundrop info. I've seen those "Golden Cola" signs too. If it's as good as a cup of coffee, I need to start drinking it myself. I wonder if the cherry Sundrop has the same amount. I love that flavor.

Also continuing in awe of LadyM's son, just tearing into that transmission and getting it done. I should do that, LOL... just start with the roof and the ceiling that needs new drywall. I'm sure there are YouTubes that would show me how to do these things.

Just wanted to check in. I hope y'all have an amazing week. It will be the hardest week of my life, I'm sure, but ds continues to talk me through my panic moments and assure me that there will be a new normal and we won't always feel like we do at this moment. I know that eventually, I will think of dh with smiles, not tears, and eventually I will adjust to the quieter house without getting scared at every creak and pop I hear. Eventually, I will quit having these fleeting thoughts of "Oh, I need to tell dh that..." when I hear something funny or something especially complimentary to him. But right now... it's just a weird time all around.

[Harriet]

Ready for our trip to my appt., thought I'd check in. Good morning, lucylee. Comfort, comfort, reassurance, reassurance - that's what I hope you are finding everywhere you turn and in everyone who turns to you, and in "remember heaven" as Nancy shared yesterday. You had a wonderful marriage and your love continues, doesn't stop. I always said I did not recommend widowhood, but because it is such a very common experience - many can share insights with you. It is not debilitating. Your house is your nest, and you know your house - it will make lots bigger noises than that if someone breaks in, okay? Of course you are nervous, you have that as part of your makeup - were we living in more ancient times, you would have been the one to warn the village in time and save everybody, you know? Thank goodness for nervous people. So just embrace the fact that you're nervous at the moment, you often are, you will be yourself, be okay, be reassured.

I sorta think HRH's point was that it was as good as a cup of coffee but as bad as any other soda, lol, and if susceptible to stone formation, better be careful.

It is very hot here - deep summer hot - building on the hottest March ever. I think that my daughter's dream of an outdoor wedding may be fading.

Many hugs to all! Gee, think of me as well - I get stuck big time today, and have my long-scheduled squinting, questioning, poking and prodding to try to prove that I'm not suspicious. They will forever think of me as suspicious, I guess, and I will forever need to be insisting, "I'm normal, get away from me!" LOL It will be fine. There are techno-alcoves and HRH is taking his little laptop thing to have something to do.

[CathyS]

Hi!

Lucylee please try to get some rest. Maybe have someone come and stay the night tonight to keep you company so you don't have to worry about all the tiny noises. If you post the obituary in J&C or MO, you won't have to delete any names, as those 2 areas are private.

The banana cake was great. On Allrecipes it says to bake for 50 to 60 minutes. I set the timer for 40 and it was already done and starting to become too well done, although it didn't actually burn yet.

Late this afternoon we are taking my car to the dealership to get a new clutch put into the transmission. The price has come down since last year. LadyM my dh uses youtube for reminders on how to do a lot of stuff as far as vehicle repairs and maintenance, like finding air filters, etc. After we drop the car off, we are going to a steakhouse less than a block away for supper. Dh has been wanting to go there for quite some time, so I suggested it for tonight.

[LadyMaverick]

Good Morning

(((LucyLee))) I agree with other SHE's. Sleep is what you need the most. Deep restful sleep. All the grief, unknowns and decisions are stressful to go through and process. Your mind and body needs to be well rested to get through all the extra stress you are dealing with. You will get through this time and find a new normal. ((((Hugs))))

Harriet - I'm not sure what kind of medical appt you are going to, but it sounds like they are treating it seriously. (((Hugs))) for the testing and waiting for results.

DS15 and friends are learning in fast mode about transmissions. Their excitement level of DOING IT is contagious. Part of me thinks they are a bit crazy to do this project with no knowledge or experience, the other part of me is crazy excited for how much they are learning. Failure can be a part of learning, but I hope they don't experience complete failure in this transmission project.

DD12 came by this morning to get her school backpack on her way to school. She stayed with DD47 this weekend. I am pleased with DD12 spending as much time as possible with DD47. They have a strong bond that I want to encourage. DD47 doesn't want DD12 to live with her but occassionally invites her to come stay a day or two. DD47 is in a good mental place right now so it feels safe for DD12 to be there.

Homeschool is underway.

[Harriet]

LadyM, I have two Drs who stacked my appts with them for the same day because of our convenience and, actually, I appreciate that. But they both want their blood work done, too, and that's two different labs, oddly enough. I'm just complaining too much.

Sitting here waiting now. There will be lots of waiting. I'm hoping I'll be allowed to have longer times between the appts after this, which I think has turned into basically worrying rather than filling a need.

[Nancy]

(((Lucy L. & Harriet & all who need cyber hugs today.)))

It took a while to sleep through the nite but that was normal for me.
Ddoggo helped and I would get up to P. & let her out then too.
So glad I can sleep through the nite now most of the time but that took me a bit.

Today I have been able to journal and spend some time contemplating a dream and
understand how I was trying to make some thing fit in my prayer time that just is not working now.
So am letting go of that out dated system of prayer Reminder cards on the net. I cannot seem to be able to revive it.
sigh oh well I gave it a good try and maybe later but for now my focus has changed.
Lamentations was the scripture today seems they were just journaling what was from their experience.
That is more my style currently.

Found a piece of fabric I could fold for a basket liner and put pens in that.
Dsis & I were talking about a comfort basket and said tissues and Visine were great additions for it, maybe a note pad.

I swept off the deck it had tree bloom crumbs on it.

It feels really good to look back on last summer when they did the deck and remember dgson using the lawn chairs.
Glad I kept them and the others as well.
I am going to be setting some of them up to go and sit think and have a place to journal and
see what work I've done and what is blooming this week.

[Harriet]

I'm home and much more pleasant. (smile) Seems like a long day, though. Was glad that I didn't have to remember how to get around the big building(s), back and forth, I just had to remember how to get back to HRH in each waiting room! He was ready to sprint each time, having used the layout map of the different floors, etc., to plot our courses.

The restaurant we planned on the way home has started closing on Mondays, sadly, and we were too far toward home to feel like we wanted to turn around, so we'll have corn on the cob with slaw and beans here, and probably be just as happy. Cathy, I hope your restaurant plans work out better!

Nancy, I have found helpful, cheery note pads at dollar places such as the front of Target/WMart and also actual dollar type stores, also a store called Tuesday Morning, but I don't know if other parts of the US have those.

I think HRH also contemplated a dream while he had some time, too, possibly because every waiting room plays the home improvement shows. (Is that what they do in other areas?) He talked all the way home about how he needs to just call something like Angie's List and get some repairs and other home improvements started. He has a list in his mind now. It sounded expensive. But I am glad he is thinking of positive changes he wants to make.

[Nancy]

Ddoggo had fun a neighborhood pooch who can climb out of fenced was in the back yard for s bit to play with mine.
A black full size doodle mix.
I did a list of 5 things for my next tasks in the yard.
Did 15 min. on the honeysuckle vine I thought was dead it is not dang!
So I need to get out the vinegar.

Progress is slow but I can do this not too many sections of fence long it it good to remember
that I do not have to do it all at once.
I have half of my steps in for the day at 10:30 a.m.

[LadyMaverick]

Home from riding with DS15 to music studio for lessons. There are 112 more days until DS15 can drive by himself. DS15 is becoming independent and makes good decisions (mostly). It is a struggle for me to stop with the constant monitoring, advice, suggestions, and mothering. I must remind myself to listen more, speak less and just "Let him be".

I am tweaking my spreadsheets and finding them to be giving me information that I didn't know. Constant and Never ending Improvement.

[LadyMaverick]

Home from another ride along with DS15. This time was taking his boss work pickup to get oil changed at next town.

52 SHE cards completed. 7 hourly challenges accomplished.