Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Share your decluttering activities and ideas.
blessedw2
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby blessedw2 » Wed May 24, 2017 4:05 pm

we are (or rather I am struggling) with the stuff. I am overwhelmed that it continues- I see progress but not an end. It's an issue for dd younger and dh.

we had a bit of a tiff He sees worth in almost everything (he says he doesn't but he does) and if he spent money on it he will not get rid of it. He sees mine or the girls stuff as junk - even when I get rid of my stuff or dds gets rid of their things; he asks why I am getting rid of it. Its a very hard process for him. He wants it clean but does not want to make decisions or work at it until he sees possibilities. He has 2 rakes that are broken and I suggested we get rid of it.. it was too much for him.

I will keep him out of my process and just put the things I find in his library, room, garage and he can decide. For dh: I will put the stuff in the garage in clear boxes until he wants it clean.

after dealing with peoples things I am realizing the stuff doesn't make room for us or making memories.

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:D dh and I put the old fridge outside for the pick up people from the city tomorrow after 6 am. and sealed it so no children could get hurt.
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dh is happy now :D - he went up in our room and smiled - the process is horribly hard on him and very depressing for me as I don't see an end to the amount of stuff we kept the last years since his cancer/and multiple family members passing and dd youngers illness and my health. I will say there is progress.
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brought down one (only) of laundry - for now there isn't anymore
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packed dd youngers smaller wet suit
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All baskets are gone from our bedroom. gone!
it is always a joy to be here with you!

blessedw2
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby blessedw2 » Thu May 25, 2017 9:05 am

yahoo - (I know not my usual words but how dh and I feel) all the donation boxes and bags are outside ready for amvets :D
they just picked up the refrigerator from the disposal company.

taking the day off from decluttering as I have to finish for d mom's birthday and need to get dailies done

Interesting conversation w d mom re the office boxes I used for putting donations as I was decluttering. They were 2 for one sale and dd older usually uses these boxes for her work. Mom was surprised that I gave them to the donation place - 11 boxes filled and 3 bags - She asked why I was not putting the items in plastic bags and keeping the boxes for packing. with mice that come in during the fall those boxes have openings (handle) and they won't work in the basement. I have been keeping my crawl space open for years for that very reason. She sees them as useful but I know they won't work. My d mom has no clutter and is spotless - everything has a place (not two or three places; just one)- so I am always amazed that she wants me or dd's to keep things because she sees a use in them. She is kind about it but it does feel like pressure (my presumption; definitely not hers)
it is always a joy to be here with you!

blessedw2
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby blessedw2 » Thu May 25, 2017 1:37 pm

after so much work = weeks = I finally de-hoard-ed the 3 season room - absolutely no clutter except my photos that I am working on and my sewing machine that d mil gave back to me - relief!

-the room and windows needs a massive washing, inside and out.
The floors have been surfaced vacuumed - behind the couch - oh my gosh the dead lady bugs from not being able to get into the room since the beginning of last summer.
- the hutch needs dusting actually a trough cleaning but the drawers are clean.
-the floors must be deep down washed (red brick tiles)
-the small freezer needs a deep cleaning
-the furniture needs a deep cleaning
-the window trim and floor trim needs painting
-the fan and light needs cleaning
-the doors need washing


Next week I have to go back to the basement to pack the remaining things of dd youngers - I am thinking of hiring someone to help her go through all the stuff and pare down. I can't do it with her because she would be frustrated.

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what rooms/closets/areas need to be de-hoarded-ed or de-cluttered.
1. garage -it will be hard because each summer I work on it dh has a panic attack bc I ask him to make decisions (too overwhelming) de-hoard-ed and de-cluttered
2. my closet in the upstairs hall ( de-cluttered)
3. the bathrooms (de cluttered)
4. our bedroom (de-cluttered)
5. work on and de-clutter weeds
6. our closet - really think about our paintings - we have so so many paintings - my d mom is an artist and gives us giclee's of all her paintings.
7. Christmas - de-hoard
8. de hoard closets in basement
9. trim office supplies down by half.
10.really think about what is important to us in this current time in life.
it is always a joy to be here with you!

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Harriet
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby Harriet » Thu May 25, 2017 8:15 pm

I'm so happy for you and proud of you, blessed.

two things: first this one so you'll know where I'm talking about:

my d mom is a very clean person but is an enabler for us - she is constantly dropping things off that she doesn't want (all high quality)


It sounds more like she is telling herself she is helping you, and that way doesn't have to admit that she has purchased or kept something unwisely, and it really had nothing to do with you - should not be laid to your account.

And now that you know where I was reading - just wanted you to know that like a good preacher, that whole post of yours "stepped on my toes", meaning hit home to me.


I see that a lot of my burden is because I tried to ease the burden on my children and let them have success. I have stored things so that they could have clear spaces so many times. I also "let them off the hook" of generational items. I have allowed some "all dressed up with a dirty neck", as P and P said.

Still every once in a while, a disappointment. Now that dd18 has a beloved fish, my mother's fish tank ceramic "castle" that was so dear, from her classroom for decades, seems to have been decluttered. sigh! She saved that thing so long! lol!

Anyway, you inspire me. I would have to say so many things are literally on the calendar ahead of declutter right now but this cannot be forgotten and must get back to the forefront.

blessedw2
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby blessedw2 » Fri May 26, 2017 9:33 am

Hello sweet intelligent d harriet!

I really believe you are right. She does feel like she is helping or being kind. She really does. I will look at her giving dds and us things from this positive point of view. It doesn't mean I have to keep it. My girls say I should keep some of the things but I know I had gotten buried and need to live with what is important to us. I have also kept the really important things that she also thinks is important.

Example from yesterday of something that is so important to her - she got a 8" glass candle from her d sisters daughter with my sweet aunts picture on it. It is very precious to her and rightly so. when my, I can say now, d uncle died he also had a candle and she took his candle with the picture - she tossed the candle but kept the 8"h x 4" w picture. She wanted me to take it and wanted to buy me a candle so I can put it up because it was important to her. This seems a sweet gesture but this is constant - I told her thank you, but that I had some nice pictures of her d sis that I cherished. For d mom I will put up a pictures of her, now gone, siblings - (my d aunts and uncle)

I agree totally about the burden because of trying to ease our children's burden. I have struggled with dd younger's dd need to keep everything - it actually hurts/overwhelms her. I tried to curb her hoarding tendencies by being respectful and let her make choices. I should have gotten someone to help me guide her through this. She couldn't get rid of anything, even her meals her dinner right away. I wanted her to trust that I would ask her. She had/has worth in everything and her ADHD and her creative brain and my having too much stuff, and activities, fed into the problem. I closed her door to her bedroom and let it be for such a long time and her stuff built and poured into the house. It was so much she couldn't think of what to do next, d mil's loss/uncles loss/her illness turned into depression. Then our "d cats" brought mice up to her room where they had tons of places to hide. I agree totally, my constantly digging her out of her room and stuff only enabled her. I thought I was helping her because she really she really saw tremendous loss and importance in her stuff. I really think I should have gotten a specialist that helps children with her stuff - everything (not a little) was important. I should have let her be uncomfortable and learn to make choices from a very young age. I actually thought I was helping her but now I can see that was not the right thing to do. She is such an amazing person - so intelligent, kind and insightful. I am just not exactly sure how to help her now as it is so so uncomfortable for her. I am working with a therapist to help me help her with this.

I didn't know how not to bring into the house myself - it was neat and clean but way way way too much stuff. We played all the time when they were young because I didn't want them to have the discomfort of not having friends (dd younger was shy at the time) and I felt guilty if I worked all day because I had too much stuff to clean and move around besides my care taking and babysitting. (lol if I could go back there would be a lot of stuff, and things I did out of my life) - I wouldn't have babysat thats for sure, because that wasn't for my d kids it was for me and my creative outlet, or did scouts as much. We did so many "field trips", learning, researching and art etc. if I could go back I also would only keep 1/8 of the stuff.

I definitely was all dressed up with a dirty neck - I forgot that one lol. So true for me on a lot of things w dd's. Lol I didn't know how to do it myself so I could I help them.

thank you for an A HA moment for me when you said
"let them off the hook"
so powerful for me because I have done this all their lives. I was strict about working on being a good person but house responsibilities I let them off the hook constantly. They are great people!

I didn't know your dear mom was a teacher... very sweet that she kept the castle for so long - my dd older did this and I remember her saying oh I was ready to let it go - lol I wasn't lol.

Your calendar is huge d Harriet! Right now mine, knock on wood, isn't and for the first time in years I am able to be at the house. I couldn't do this for so so long.

I ALWAYS enjoy your insight - I learn so much from you.
it is always a joy to be here with you!

blessedw2
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby blessedw2 » Fri May 26, 2017 9:50 am

each day I have been trying to learn about my stuff, how I see my stuff realistically, why I do what I do or don't do and their importance of my time.

The truths are hard to face, sometimes, for me. It's a hard process but I am glad I have a bit of time, right now, to work on this for myself and family.

I have been seeing the stuff in different categories now:

hoard - yes I have things that I hoarded in my past and now (hoarding sounds dirty but for me it doesn't always go that way)
things I know is hoarding
I also see when you have so much stuff that you keep working on the same junk over and over again and not taking time for life because one is constantly moving the same stuff over and over again is hoarding. (when it builds up and you can't walk through an area - that's the hoarding you see on tv but there are other ways of hoarding).

hoard-no doubt it is hoarding-I am not making this up -but no action: Dreams and books about my dreams took away actually doing things for so long. I got tired of that one. I like that I work on things every year now.

Overgoal-ing to me now is the same thing as a dreaming hoard - I would buy so so so many plants yearly and got 1/4 planted. But in my dreams I saw the possibilities lol the only thing is that I didn't have the time or the energy to plant hundreds of plants and keep up with them.

dreaming hoard: how I imagine I want to be and do - lol huge for me
I bought all the things for that dream but because I had so many projects or imagine doing things that I literally didn't have time to do any of them. I would dabble but never finish but kept the stuff that went with it.

I will get to it one day - I am really facing this one now.

Clutter: too many things out

Mess: not cleaning up after ourselves and leaving things out

No routine mess

Chaos stuff: hot spots

touching things multiple times instead of taking it to where it belongs instead of moving it room to room creating a mess. lol a hard concept for me lol

keeping things until later

having too many places for the same thing
Last edited by blessedw2 on Tue May 30, 2017 2:04 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Harmony
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby Harmony » Mon May 29, 2017 8:05 pm

Moving things from one place to another: I believe they call that churning. I see people doing that on those shows. They say no I'm keeping and move it to another spot. Not helpful.

My decluttering involves a whole lot of organizing in the spots I'm taking from and the spots I'm putting things into. Along the way some of the stuff goes out the door.

Today we organized a lot of photos and got rid of a bunch and have a whole stack of papers to burn; and I just cleaned off 2 suitcases to donate. They are not retro enough to use for tables (stacked) and I really doubt anyone really wants them but what to do with them? I'll let the thrift decide.

Just for fun I went back and looked at all that paperwork. The pile of contracts started way back in 1977. I weighed it, it is 10.4 lbs and was a bulky arm full almost too much to carry! I guess DH just started using one of those suitcases to store his old contracts and statements and I continued for quite a few years. I don't think we'll miss any of this.

blessedw2
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby blessedw2 » Tue May 30, 2017 10:17 am

hi d harmony! Well done on letting the thrift store decide and all of your work!!! great job d harmony!

I agree the putting things from place to place is not good at all! great job again on getting rid of stuff!!! :D
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blessedw2
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby blessedw2 » Tue May 30, 2017 10:27 am

I have been trying to see what is a hoard/dreaming/dysfunctional/functional/chaos/mess/clutter/

I added CHAOS CLUTTER to the list: that is anything that becomes a hot spot that needs to be straightened again.

This easily happens with the following items for me:

-medicine area bandages, meds etc. etc. right now it is all over the place in that area.
-dd's cameras - she needs to find a way with her camera equipment
-garage - our outdoor stuff

my hoard/dreaming hoard/ my photos and videos... they have grown into many different buckets but with no action on my part it has become a dream of what it should be without action. I imagine the finished product but without the work it is all of the place. I keep moving it from place to place with plans of making it beautiful. no one gets to share in the photos - I started this in 2013 - this includes genealogy

- I need to break the hoard/dreaming hoard into smaller, workable units.

My body has become part of my dreaming instead of doing - I put it off and my health has suffered for it.
it is always a joy to be here with you!

blessedw2
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Re: Declutter Strategy Meeting, May 2017

Postby blessedw2 » Tue May 30, 2017 2:02 pm

today:
since dd and d mom aren't going downtown I decided to continue my work in the basement

truth: MY HOARD that wastes my time and fun

the photos are definitely a hoard. I have 5 large bins of photos and books, one box of film that needs to be transferred to dvds and computer discs.


Christmas has definitely become a hoard because, truth, between dd's and I we now have about 18 - 20 boxes of christmas. Everything that is Christmas is now in the crawl space but I can't work in it until summer is over because it will take me at least a week with dd's going through things.

dd younger's boxes are all in one place and it is a lot.

I put two baskets I gathered from the basement to put away.

tossed dd olders wine of the month club wine (five years old)
tossed an old can of wall paint
packed more
6 cans of paint gone
recycling gone
vacuuming done
I have 2 baskets of stuff that belongs upstairs.


My goal is to help dd younger realize she doesn't have to keep everything out as she isn't doing things all the time with those things. She can put it away organized and be able to grab her art, golf etc. when she feels like doing it. Not every book/music etc doesn't have to be out.

letting go of ideas/dreams that aren't working or I don't have time for it. - I have stuck to doing one to 2 learning/crafts things a year until I complete it. so time to put it away or let it go...it's been a good thing - because I can really see what I want to do or not want to do. I can revisit the idea another time

+I wanted to make a lieutenant star with my d bil on it - but I had a month to do it and the time is gone. I did congratulate him and wen to a party. I had the silver gild in my craft stuff for years - so I just tossed it. the time has passed and its okay

keeping: my navigation stuff as I am still in the process on and off

my craft box is very very small. I have one quilt pattern/the pattern from d mil's, and that's it! Kept my rosemaling books (just a few)
Last edited by blessedw2 on Wed May 31, 2017 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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