LadyM..thanks for being so honest. I used to have the same problem in the past. And boy was I good at it.
For a while I went to Overeaters anonymous which helped but I got tired of hearing sad stories without any real solutions. and then I stumbled upon this book:http://www.simonandschuster.com/books/I ... 0743548854
Overcome Hidden Food Addictions, Take Charge of Your Body, Your Emotions, Your Life
Here's hope and help for food addicts. Developed by Janet Greeson, a nationally renowned pioneer in the development of addiction treatment programs, this day-by-day self-help program treats the physical, emotional and spiritual causes of food addiction.
Recognize why you overeat - get in touch with your past and handle the feelings that trigger your eating problems
Use psychological techniques to banish depression and build self-esteem
Discover defense mechanisms that prevent you from confronting your problems
Break the dieting and binge-purge cycles - and eat normally at last!
Providing significant information on food, nutrition, exercise, and stress management, It's Not What You're Eating, It's What's Eating You is an essential audio program for anyone who wants to choose a new life - free of food addiction and depression.
It is a guide that helps you discover why you binge and is based on finding your emotional causes for your food addictions. for me it was very eye opening and gave me great insight as to why I was binging. Knowing your history or at least what you have shared I have an idea of what you may using this book.
Mine went back to my childhood and my verbally abusive father. Plus when I was 9 i was over weight due to a thyroid problem and had to loose 15 lbs. Not easy to do at that age. I did it without much atta girl from either parents and my father was a hitler as he wouldn't allow me to serve myself dinner...he dished it out...and he kept count of the cookies in the bag.
Consequently I became a closet eater...stuffing my self with candy from a store that my parents did not go to. For me eating candy, sometimes 5 candy bars without anyone telling me I couldn't brought me a high...not really the candy, just knowing I was defying my father and bring control to me.
Over the years my weight went up and down. When I was happy, I didn't binge, but when life became stressful I did. Sometimes I wasn't aware of what the stress was. I was at my highest weight just before I divorced my son's father. He was as controlling as my dad and I swapped one abuser for another.
After I divorced I started walking and eating the way I knew I should. I was so happy with my life and it was easy. But I still was a closet eater. Years had taught me not to eat forbidden foods in front of people. I decided to slay that dragon. I explained what I wanted to do to my future husband. He knew an understood my fears. I cooked an apple pie and gathered all courage I had, cut the pie and carried it to the table. My hand shook so hard the pie almost fell off the plate. Getting the pie onto the fork and into my mouth took for ever but once I did it the world did not fall apart.
Over time I taught myself to eat controlled portions with ease. I had control again.
Over time I used my binges to make me become aware that something was wrong in my life. When I was home this past Sept I ate what ever I wanted, not my normal way of eating to handle the stress I was under. I knew what I was doing but I didn't care. Same for this past teaching assignment...food became my drug to survive.
For me my binged occur when I feel my world is out of control and I can't stop making it spin. It takes me awhile, but once I gain control for myself and I don't feel like others are stealing it from me I stop binging.
Binging is the drug that feeds your inner child..the im not gonna do it and you can't make me. kind of a thing.
Figure out what's eating you emotional and your binges should decrease. Remember you have to be very very selfish and take care of yourself. Not easy for you to do with all your home demands, not to mention you're such a care taker. Look back on your life when you weren't binging and compare it to your life now... bet you can find some clues there.
And for heaven sakes don't feel alone or ashamed over this...I'm sure there are others here in the village that can identify with your struggles... I know I do. Hugs