Holiday grand plan 2010

[blessedw2]

lol what seems important to them

house decorated inside, I have gotten rid of a lot of things.
the plays we go to
see neighborhood lights
a straightened house
a clean laundry lol who would ever think.
the girls also are enjoying the time they have together. we will see when dd21 is home for a month lol if they start arguing again. lol

[Nancy]

We did not decorate outside this year at all either h. is no longer as agile for getting up
on the roof to put lights up so we just de-cluttered them tossed 'em a couple years ago
as they were needing to be replaced.

[Harmony]

Today it hit me like a ton of bricks what it is that makes all this Christmas stuff fun for me. It's the sharing it all with friends and family. And what's not fun is living with someone who would not do one thing to decorate or shop or send a card, or even turn on the lights. It's ok if I do it but DH really isn't a part of it.

I guess that's why I've been coming here to this thread. At least I had someone to share the doing of it all with people.

We saw a lot of our friends at another friend's Christmas open house one evening, and our family is never here ... so it's very much just for us. It hit me today that I did this all to make it nice for us, but there's really no us in it.

There is no fixing that. It is what it is. I need to lower my expectations a whole bunch.

[Nancy]

Harmony I understand hubby is not in to it that much. Trying to wrap my brain around some of the changes we had the past couple of years and something dear son said one time that Christmas shopping for most guys is like getting a root canal. He had heard that on one of the talk shows he listens to on the radio. Gr-r don't like that!

I love Christmas and most of what goes on with it but not so much the adds on TV or Santa and stupid elf movies.

I did get a book with the real Christmas story in it for dgd and it's one of her favorite ones now.
I enjoy a Christmas Eve service if we don't have family stuff going on. I enjoy the lights for the darker time of they year they seem to brighten up my mood. It's fun to make things for gifts and gives me a lot of pleasure all year long!

I enjoy remembering the things we did for the holidays with my grandparents and other family members cousins and such so I got a journal for that this year. The Christmas programs I was in as a kid was fun too.

[Harriet]

Oh, I don't like that, either, Nancy, but have heard similar things. So who "likes" shopping anyway? It is the giving that is happy - women don't want to stand at registers or find parking spaces any more than anyone else!!!

Here, HRH always talks about not having much Christmas when he was a child and therefore never learning to accept gifts graciously, not liking Christmas music much, etc. His first wife may have vacuumed every day but was a waste of space as far as the heartfelt things of homemaking. After a sparse bachelorhood he came "to me" with literally no ornaments or decorations. Well, fine. But since then he has not contributed any, either. And he hasn't learned to accept gifts, either! He always retreats like there's a snake in it. Good grief. At 54, it's time to get in there and pitch, Grandpa! I often feel like Cinderella at Christmas more than other times because on top of the 1,000 daily things I do I have the additional Christmas things and yet am still looking around and finding myself alone.

Harmony, I want to hear all about your decorating and tree and gift wrap. Take photos if you want! What about neighbors? Is there someone who appreciates that you make the neighborhood look happier? If so, give them a hug!

Yes, we used to have after-Christmas threads for notes on what went right and what we would change, Harmony. I've looked and I believe it must have been before we moved to this site. We can have one right here in Creative or at another spot that makes sense, whatever anyone thinks.

[blessedw2]

(((dharmony))) It's hard when you feel like the only one wanting the holiday spirit. If I wasn't here dh would probably get a small fake tree, no ornaments, no traditions etc. as he doesn't see the value in it. My mom said that if I wasn't hear the kids wouldn't have any outside adventures and traditions; not because dh isn't loving but he see's everything as frivalous. A very simple man. I think it was the pam and peggy who said they asked peggy's husband about Christmas and he said he would just do for his immediate family. they mentioned that most women would give "a 10" for rating Christmas and "more for expectations". I know when dkids were little it was what i did to make their holiday and it became important to me. Then continued to say that Danny gave Christmas a 4 or 5 on the scale of importance. I think you need to make Christmas to what you want. What gives you joy for yourself not what you "think" must be done. Your dh is probably like my dh that he doesn't understand the excitement and see's it as work instead. I could never understand that. It's amazing to me how much he has come to accept "will happen". Lol . like the elf fairy comes in and poof it gets done. Actually this year is the first year I have ever seen him shop. I hear Dh grumble every year about the real tree but I love it and I am content to do it just for me. Also now that the dkids are starting to leave the nest I am relearning what makes ME happy. find what makes you happy.

My dsil said exactly the same things we are saying. her dh said "what's for dinner" I don't want to go out and my dsil was decorating and shopping. she was so frustrated.

I want to hear everything too!!!

[Harmony]

Harriet and Nancy, it helps a lot to find I am not alone in this. Still doesn't fix it, but misery loves company, right?

And of course, I'm still reeling from all the changes this year, the health problems, the extra work, the failed surgeries, all of that.

Now y'all will think I totally jumped off a cliff over all this, and I probably did. After yet another evening of not being around when light-up time arrived (I was napping) and coming into dark rooms, no tree lit up, no outside lights on (it's only an inside switch, for pete's sake) I just gave up. After DH says he probably wouldn't do anything if left up to him, and he didn't those years he was alone...he went to bed and I took it all down. Boxed it all up. Up and down the ladder, Done. Gone. And I don't feel bad. I guess I'll take the outside lights down later.

The root canal thing was funny to me. I buy my own gifts, wrap them, if I'm lucky he will put my name on. Even good husbands can be so lame at Christmas time.

Sheesh! Bah Humbug. I see blessed has posted, I must read that too, hope I haven't stepped on anyone's foot with all this.

[Harmony]

(blessed) I see you are in this too.

Nobody in this neighborhood decorates. 1 puts a fake tree out on their lanai we can see when we go down the street. There is a church at the end of the street, they don't even do anything. People behind us don't do anything. Very little decorations in this neighborhood.

I believe childhood experiences affect adult feelings about holidays. Those with unhappy times tend to not care much about holidays. DH, well people "celebrate" - meaning drink more - around the holidays. DH's memories aren't all that pleasant.

My own memories were better. Things were scaled down quite a bit back then, but we did things as a family. We decorated together, shopped together, wrapped together. DFather did some of that with us. Not so much the shopping and wrapping. But we were happy. I guess I've been trying to recreate some of that all these years.

House looks great. Back to normal. Not staring me in the face to remind me how fake it all is. Time Fri and Sat with kids, seperately this year will be good I hope. I'm holding on to that.

[blessedw2]

it's hard when no one decorates around you or has spirit. (())) praying that when you all and dkids are together that you all can just enjoy the specialness of each other and that peace and love fill those two days as a family. I am sorry that others are not as enthusiastic as you felt. It's hard. I am glad you feel more content having things put away. sometimes the holidays feel like they are "supposed" to be a certain way and feeling. It all depends on what you want and what you need. I am so so happy you are here and you post. You really are the sweetest person!

My dfil now passed used to have my sil buy the presents for my mil and it would be so funny how dfil would say, yes I have good taste! we all would laugh. I honestly don't expect much when it comes to dh shopping. he asks me what I want the last minute. so I now make a list and the girls help him

I think your right dharmony that our childhood influences our adulthood. if there isn't that background it's hard to understand the pure joy that comes from the holidays. I know I have disliked New Years Eve for many many years. my family as a youth was great, simple but great. we always had new years dinner the next day. dh used to drink when we were dating to excess on New Years and one year had these "friends" who were rather crude and drank like crazy. (rip) drinking has never been my idea of fun. I remember being told I was "no fun" and why didn't I drink. I have no patience with that kind of stuff. then one year we had a dog pass on that eve. Dh doesn't go anywhere for new years. not his thing.It turned me off to New Years. so for me the faster New Years leaves the happier I am. I force myself to do things as I hope one day It will be a happy time for me. It was so happy as a child. I guess it could be the same for some people and Christmas.

[Harriet]

Wow, Harmony! Well, you have likely made a point with dh! Will you go ahead and flip the outdoor switch for the next few nights? You may have made a point with the next generation, too, if they find out you did this. Frankly, if I were you, I would pout for days, but you are probably more sensible.

This past weekend and Monday were our big celebrations, so we are down to taking care of our two ddads, my dcousin who's alone, and the children of HRH's friend. The one other thing is that dstepgd will get to come see us this coming weekend, and at the same time she receives our gifts, dstepson will give his gift to dd.

I am still shaking my head over how to handle my dfirstinlaw's party gifts next year. Perhaps I should quit and shock everyone. Or emulate our hostess {who wants us all to stop giving our one last gift) and bring a wrapped gift for every person.