Holiday grand plan 2010

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Harmony
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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby Harmony » Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:02 pm

I guess I did make my point, Harriet. DH has been kinda nice today. He hasn't mentioned the absence of Christmas decorations around here. He also didn't walk over and put on the Christmas lights that are still outside. Neither did I.

I guess it was snarky of me. I'm not real proud of myself, neither am I sorry. I mean, would I even be thinking any of this if he wasn't here to share this with me?

I'm reminded of a work colleague the year I was first on my own in a little efficiency appartment. I remember telling her that I had no Christmas decorations and no $ to buy them. She came in that next day with a medium size artificial tree and all the trimmings to give me. They were hers but she said she was tired of putting everything up just for herself. See, her DH was Jewish and didn't celebrate. She was tired of doing it just for her.

Now I gotta figure out what thing I'll continue to do just for me that makes me happy by myself, and that's what I'll continue to do next year.

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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby blessedw2 » Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:17 am

I don't think you should feel bad dharmony, and you should never feel bad of what had to be done. Sometimes when no one helps out etc. and is cranky, a good shock is what is needed. I think you did great!!! They may begin to realize that if they want the holiday they need to do their part. I am glad you are looking to find something that makes you happy. Good for you
Last edited by blessedw2 on Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby blessedw2 » Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:24 am

my mom went through it (but she had moved to florida for her winters) where she gave me everything for christmas. For a couple of years she didn't decorate, she needed a break and a way to find christmas for her. She now has a prelite tree and my brother and sil go down (they don't have children). She has been listening to her music and is defintely in the christmas spirit as she found what makes Christmas for her. She no longer feels disappointed or grieving for the old way when we were all together on Christmas. She said she will never come back to our area at winter. lol. october/nov she goes and may she comes back
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Nancy
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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby Nancy » Thu Dec 23, 2010 12:36 pm

I got the last string of white lights at one store yesterday for the smaller tree for next year it fits better where I've been having the tree.

I got most of the stuff in gift bags and wrapped up last night. I enjoyed doing that while listening to Christmas-y program on Oprah in the basement. I need to get rid of Christmas CD's as I don't use them any way.

I got the pumpkin bread baked up in the morning got three small loaves from a mix. Made the house smell great no nuts in these and no frosting on them either.

Almost forgot I have shrimp in the freezer for Christmas did that last year and it worked so got more this year. We were talking about what to have on Christmas day as it will just be the two of us here.

Hubby and I no longer exchange gifts. Just for the kids and grand kids things I make mostly. On a whim I got candy bars to go in with the home made stuff for the g.kids ski trip and I called to warn their mom. She was thankful and gracious about it so glad for that.

Christmas Eve service and family gathering are at the same time so not really sure what I"ll be doing about that yet. Supposed to bring some thing I can eat. At the sore while I was looking at s.i.l.'s fav. turtle cheese cake had nuts decided not to get that one. I'd forgotten what was in it.

I still have a brownie mix to bake up maybe today maybe for later.

Sigh ~ I remember one time my friend said I can't "fix" Christmas for my mom it was after my folks split and she was lonely and not adjusted to the move to another part of the country. She was right mom had to come to grips with that and move forward. She was not in to the tree and all the trappings of the holidays much as I was older and in my teen years I was the one that did the tree trimming. She did not wrap gifts much either. It helped me to remember that I've always enjoyed doing that.

This year I gave the bells for the door to dgson he was delighted to get those and said he would put it on his fort if they didn't go on the front door.

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Harmony
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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby Harmony » Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:15 pm

Everyone finds their own way to celebrate the holiday or not celebrate. Nancy, I like the things you do. Blessed, you sound just like my DD2, who always has her children come first and does all sorts of fun things with them. I'm sure, by the sound of things, her house will be in chaos, but her family has enjoyed themselves and I don't really care if it's neat & clean.

I guess I got mad because I was overwhelmed just getting Thanksgiving done and didn't really want to do much about Christmas. When I pushed myself and did it for us and found out - again - there was no us in it, I really felt angry. That's why I took it all down.

And I have to say, I am pretty releaved I don't have to come home from this big trip and a couple pretty stressful days up there to all this stuff to put away. I have a better plan for next year.

It was not about wanting too much or losing sight of what Christmas is really about. I always knew that. It was about pushing myself too hard when this past year was too stressful and I wasn't really feeling well either. Thanksgiving was wonderful this year, but I had nothing left for Christmas.

The more I think about things, the clearer it becomes. I should be able to own my feelings about it and not be ashamed because others cope better or have more energy, etc. Each person's situation is different. I coped the best I could until I couldn't any more.

Next year will be different. I'm not sure exactly how, but I know it will be different.

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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby blessedw2 » Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:45 pm

"Thanksgiving was wonderful this year, but I had nothing left for Christmas." you should be proud that you found what works for you and it is more than okay to feel angry. Also the fact that you feel so releaved is proof you needed time for you. Good for you!!!

about comparing and it not being reality: when I first moved into a neighborhood the other mom across the street from me (we became best of friends) thought my dh and I were perfect, I was the "perfect" mother and home maker. I would look across the street and think the same things. once we realized it was far from the truth for both of us.. we laughed so hard. One time before I knew them, their dd was little and their only child at the time.. her dh sat in the car with her for an 1/2 hour while she climbed around and played with the steering wheel.. my thought ... what a devoted father, my dh wouldn't do that. I later found out he hated to hear her cry and was afraid she would have a temper tantrum lol. that ended after their next child. lol. what is important to you is what is important! and I am happy you did what you needed to feel good!
it is always a joy to be here with you!

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Nancy
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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby Nancy » Fri Dec 24, 2010 11:44 am

Blessed our dson said some thing to that effect when he - they stopped coming to the Christmas gatherings. Started doing the Hanukkah celebration at home just their immediate family but I did not get it that they were not going to be participating in Christmas any more.
His new wife just did not get to a place where she could deal with the holiday stress and he was familied out by then.

His and #2 dgd both have a birthday is in early Jan. {on the same day} and we have a family gathering then so now I get it,but it took a while! I'm still trying to understand the new family dynamics and wrap my brain around all of this can't help but feel like I've blown it because dgds gifts will not get to them until after school starts up in Jan. now. sigh hoping it's better next year, but that is what I thought last year.

Moving on our gifts are ready to be loaded in the car. Dd called yesterday with some final tweaks for the menu and I'm bringing the turkey breast after all to go with the ham she's doing. Hubby decided he would cook it on the Webber. :idea: I baked the brownies cut them up and put them in the freezer so we would not eat them ahead of time!

I still need to make up celery sticks with peanut butter and cream cheese dd said she was having a hard time thinking of low carb. things for the relish tray.

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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby blessedw2 » Sat Dec 25, 2010 2:22 pm

Merry Christmas to you all!
Merry Christmas dnancy and dharmony and everyone.

dnancy... I was lucky enough to partake in Hanuhkka celebrations with a coworker friend/and then with dh's friends. Since your son now celebrates the Hebrew faith you should ask if you could go to temple with them once in a while to enjoy your dgrandkids faith. Also you can ask if you can go to sedar and share a meal during the year before Hannukah and ask if you can partake in the celebration. It is so fun and what a nice way to honor your dear grandkids, his wife and your son even if he no longer celebrates Christmas. Merry Christmas to you!!! sweet Nancy.
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Nancy
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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby Nancy » Sat Dec 25, 2010 2:58 pm

Blessed thanks for the input.

Dson came with dil to dd's Christmas eve gathering later on in the evening and
exchanged some gifts, we were able to clear up some confusion about dson & family not doing Christmas. They are not attending temple or other Jewish festival celebrations, no temples in our area. I think the closet one is like three hours away could be one reason. {Dilaw is not either.} We talked about how they did not want to get in to a tree and all that, and how I'd seen on t.v. some folks did both with a name using both words Christmas and Hanukkah was pretty interesting. They just did gifts and lit candles during Hanukkah. I think b/c his girls are at their mom's and they wanted to keep it simple and just have an immediate family time with some other exposure and education for this holiday season.

So this year was mostly like years in the past except for the misunderstanding I had about what they were doing. D-i-l did say she likes the part of having the holidays over and when the tree is down the best. Seems she does not like all the trimmings etc. their house is small and they don't really have much room.

It's been good for me to reevaluate what we do and why around here it was timely!
This is the time in our kids lives when they establish their own traditions and do the things they like to do as a family. Dd is learning about doing family gatherings did a ham that was rather dry she will learn but it takes time.

I remember when I sat down with my M.I.L. and told her h. did not want to be driving on the winter roads after driving all week when he had time off as he was a truck driver and we were not going to be going up to their place on the holidays any more. I said they could come down if they liked. She did not like it but finally accepted it and knew where I was coming from. It's too bad that hubby could not have had this conversion with her. But at least she was in the know of changes. It appears the shoe is on the other foot and it's taking a while for me [us] to get adjusted to it all.

The kids did some work on a scrap book for my mom and said they needed to keep going with that and start a new tradition and continue to do a photo pictures exchange each year. They were a couple years behind and dson brought a photo album to work on for my mom a team project. We got our school photos caught up from him.

They talked about getting family photos and dd has info. and is setting one up for around Easter spring break I think. Still processing all that's going on.

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Nancy
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Re: Holiday grand plan 2010

Postby Nancy » Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:31 pm

We tried a couple of recipes and new things first before sharing with the family this year
the pumpkin cheese cake was awesome! They all want more grilled turkey breast these are keepers!


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