Jan. Cards 2011

[Nancy]

Happy New year are you ready to begin your cards with a fresh start for the new year?

I have cleared off and wiped down my counters and tossed trash for a fresh start
on this first day of the new year! It is sort of symbolic of a new beginning around here.

[blessedw2]

happy new year dNancy.

my cards are ready and my weekly/bi weekly cleaning list and focus binder is ready (I check off)
I have to work on weekly plan and stick to it. (it's been hard with dh's shopping to keep himself busy...he does not buy but constinently at stores to look to fill time - I have to drive him (he wished he could drive) and I wait alot. at least it will be good when school starts.

I am struggling with dh being old before his time even before the cancer. I need to get my act together to work out this new life. He never had goals and has always seen the world 1/2 empty, but before it was okay because I was always so busy and his lack of goals, hobbies and socialization didn't affect me except on new years eve but I am finding myself feeling drained and sad at my life as it is. I don't like being in that position too long. He fills his days with looking for things in stores. When he drove he did this all day, he would come home then go out come home and another errand and his day was full. he is a nice nice man who I love desperatly. So I have to find a way of turning this around for me to feel focused again and fulfilled instead living out of a car and house. I know I have to be the one to turn things around for him so he is positive.

so to not deal with the same thing for next weekend with dd15 I will make reservations at the ski hill so she can have lessons. get my weekly together and stick to it. be respectful with dh but set limits on the whole day shopping. now that christmas is over I can get back to decorating the family room and kitchen.

[Nancy]

How are you today blessed?

Hubby is watching some fishing on TV this morning.
H cooked his own breakfast,
got the heat turned up for me
my turn to make the bed.
Glad I have dishes done two days in a row and picked up in the dining room plus
did a bit of dusting yesterday.
Took time out to watch a video and read.

[blessedw2]

great job dnancy! 2 days in a row on dishes and picking up things! awesome.

[blessedw2]

since I don't like to sit in self pity too long.. 8 months just kidding. but yesterday was my last straw with it and today I complained and now I am ready to do something about it. so told dh that he needs to make plans for this week, a focus not based on shopping. I know some of the things he is interested in so I will set a plan in action and put it in my weekly. I will also say no to his consistent shopping if I have things to do. He needs to have me focus in on something for him to start on it so i will get back to my focus of the house.

Yesterday and the day before yesterday I finally broke out in tears (by myself), dh went to 8 stores looking for a "specific" alarm clock (fills his day with purpose) while I sat in the car and then the final straw was he wanted to buy a lazy boy chair for the pretty room as dd used to call it. the lack of focus and the waste of my days finally broke me. I talked to him a couple times about it but I am not sure if he quit gets it sometimes as he sees his needs and having had cancer I feel like I should acquiesce but I need to have purpose and goals. driving him to stores seems to drain my soul.
Sorry I needed to vent otherwise I think I will be taking it out on dh.

-for me meet up with a caretaker group to discuss feelings with others, I took care of my grandparents but this is different.
-dh likes taking pictures so setting up 2 days a week, get them developed after the week
-have him focus in on getting his 77 car fixed more
-set up shopping hours so that I am not pulled into it all day. say no to unreasonable requests.
-paint and knowing dh he will get interested in it.
-clean out my car and he will join.
-have him build a bird house for next summer (get a plan)
-plan the veggie garden

[Nancy]

Blessed reading your post reminds me of when we were supposed to have one errand day a week according to this card file system. That seemed impossible to me in the beginning
but I did talk to hubby about that concept and we were able to prune down the amount of errand running he was expecting me to do for him.

Dgkids have not been here and I've been trying recoup and regroup amazing how the house
is not cluttered with toys but I did have to pick up my yarn and books LOL!

I've been taking 15 min. and getting the Christmas stuff rounded up and that is making progress for me yea for that.

[Indiana]

blessed contact your local Cancer Society and ask for a volunteer to take him. They are happy to help cancer patients including post ones.

[Nancy]

I love that idea Indiana!

Today I have gotten up to clean sinks and counters again yea! I just love that.
Enjoying the part of the room where my p/c is that I was able to work on yesterday.
I got half of the table cleared off and folded the stroller up and set it in the corner
put away a tote. It's making quite a difference to go in a room for 15 min. and work
on the worst areas!

[blessedw2]

dh doesn't want to do that, he says he feels like a 3 year old. dd15 said he is too demanding and unreasonable about his time vs. our time which suprised me she would say anything. I think I need to go to a support group re: this. He has never ever been one for doing things, he has always been a putzer as we call it, surrounding his days with work, his errands where he would spend his day going to one errand and coming back home and then another errand. he really never has purpose or goals and up to now it was okay as the kids and I would set our own goals. He doesn't see he fills his time up with shopping to fill the void of hobbies, his work etc. If I was the one to stay home and not drive, he would not be the one driving me, I know that as when it came to dkids lessons or I needed an extra hand to do something (when he was working or if tired) he would say he was too busy or get flustered. dh has filled up his day and purpose in shopping. the other day I became very frustrated with him as I told him the alarm clock was upstairs next to the bed.."where" I said again up next to the bed, why don't you look and you'll see it (in a nice way), he got frustrated. he said can't you tell me exactly where and basically wanted me or dd15 to show him. he has always been like that, not going beyond what is directly in front of him but being a good man I understood that it was part of his being. so I ended up saying that I understood his frustration but I have to think of everyone and that I felt I was loosing myself and being frustrated was not good for us, dd15, and for him either. he thinks I am being unreasonable, (guilt) that he doesn't ask for too much, but doesn't see that going out all day sitting and waiting is killing my spirit. I found we were leaving dd15 all the time so he could look at things. so I think finding someone dd15 and I could talk will be helpful. trying to remember less words and more grace

[Nancy]

{{{Blessed}}}

Today I've been up since five-ish had to take meds.
H. slept in. The peace and quite was nice It felt like I had the place to myself that
was a real treat. Q.T. & journaling done.
I got quite a bit done and am feeling productive because of that.
Dishes are done.
I've made a salad and have a plan for lunch.
Laundry is rounded up sorted and going now.
H. is processing the mail now.
I wrapped and bagged up a gift for dson.
Got cookies in a tin for grand kids here and some to go with dson
this is sort of a birthday thing I do for him and dgd.
Oh yes for got one got decorations put away that I'd taken down and had out in the storage zone.