Hi Scattered! Welcome to the village
. Oh, & new threads are always welcome around here!
It seems as though the 3 "D"s --dinner, dishes, & duds (laundry) are the most important things to do on a regular basis to keep a home running smoothly. Write down a menu plan for each week to avoid the, "It's 6:00 -- what's for dinner?" dilema. Even something as basic as chicken on Monday, pasta on Tuesday, etc, may help remind you to prepare for dinner in the morning or the night before. Run the dishwasher every night if it is full, & unload every morning.
Try to do one load of laundry every weekday, whether it is clothing, sheets or towels, all the way from washing to folding & putting away.
Consider assigning each weekday one chore, such a vacuuming on Monday, cleaning bathrooms on Tuesday, etc. to keep the house consistently clean. Add more detailed cleaning as you get comfortable with sticking to a basic routine.
On the days you work a 12 hour shift (I've done that in the past & know how tiring it is) don't do any chores at all. In fact, your kids are old enough to help out with all of the above. Maybe when your 19 year old makes dinner for himself he can prepare a plate for you to heat up when you get home
Many of us have read books by the original SHE's, Pam Young & Peggy Jones. Their first book, "Sidetracked Home Executives" is a quick, fun, & humorous read that explains the cardfile method they invented to get housework under control. Years later they wrote, "Get Your Act Together", which really trimmed the amount of household cards down from what they originally used. I'd recommend reading them in order for some great ideas & inspiration about routines.
Also, try to carve out some quiet time for yourself every day of your busy life. And always keep reading material in your car, so if you are picking up your 13 year old from an activity you can relax while you wait.
Hope some of these ideas help you! The PWYC (Post When You Can) thread here is the one where most of us post. Looking forward to seeing you there