hi d lucy sending you lots of love ...praying for a positive trend for dh's medicines! I agree about the body and stress - your body is showing the effects of worry which is so hard. Praying for some peace to enter your soul. I know you wish your ds saw you and dh first but I will tell you that it is okay... my niece is a labor and delivery nurse... those babies are in such great care and the babies are so so so exhausted after birth and was most likely sound asleep as well. They don't remember anything but their mommies... there is a great video where a new baby was crying but was given their mothers shirt by its father and suddenly is content. It's instinct. I know that's your feelings but trust that your sweet son as a baby remembered you. He heard your voice for 9 months and that is the voice he looked when he saw you.
happy ironing.