Postby Kathryn-in-Canada » Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:40 pm
My sister called and chatted. She's having a rough stay this year in Florida. The 'honeymoon' is over in this relationship and the fact that she wants downtime and her partner is always on the go, dragging her along, is making her angry. No upset, not depressed, not frustrated, but angry. This is where her inability to communicate with people, instead pushing and pushing until she wears the other down to agreeing she's right, works against her. She always chooses conflict instead of working cooperatively.
(An example, I've given here before, I was telling a story about my difficulty riding my bicycle and how I was nervous on roads given how unsafe they are here for bicyclists, and my story (which was about my attempt to get more confident on my bike) could not proceed until I conceded that her city was the most dangerous city in which to ride a bicycle and I didn't don't what truly dangerous was.)
Dh is an 'always on the go' person and I'm not and I've learned how to remind him about this over and over. I do not think he deliberately over-schedules me to make me miserable. I think he has a hard time, even after 36 years, of remembering I can't manage social things the way he can and I while it appears I thrive on them (I do get energy from being with people) there's a breaking point for me. He has learned that I likely won't take my breaking out on others BUT I will take it out on him later, so if I communicate clearly that I can't do something, he'll accept that.
So I've learned to set boundaries and truly evaluate which of the events he'll want me a part of that I want to do.
My sister won't take the time to work on the relationship. Today she stayed home and fumed and was angry with her partner for going to the beach before the red-tide notices had gone up. My sister might have gone if she could be assured there was no red-tide. But she didn't want to go if there was because then they would have had to leave the beach and she felt that would make her the 'bad guy' ruining the day out for the others.
She says it was all her partner's fault. In fact, it wasn't the red-tide issue but the fact that dsis is tired of being on the go all the time. But she can't see that herself, and without being able to do that and then properly communicate what she needs, she has decided she was slighted and is angry. It isn't her failure to communicate. It is the other person being a bully. Except I know the other person and I've never seen her be manipulative. I have seen my sister be a bully. And inconsiderate of others. And simply be selfish. She lived on her own for the first 50 years of her life and has never learned the give and take of a relationship.
Anyway, now my head is aching from that (and my neck bent while trying to do something while talking on the phone.)
I'm finished another month so now the first of our credit cards is caught up. I know there's another statement in the mail to me but, for today, I'm caught up and I've entered all the chits that will be on the next statement so it will be a breeze to reconcile.
While on the phone, I downloaded 6 months of bank statements and I'll work on the bank balancing next. Because almost everything is on the credit card, this will be a quick process.
But first, I'm going to get up and find a non-sitting task to do.