I'm wondering how Harriet is doing -- is the storm hitting close by? Praying for all in the storm path, and hoping Harriet will pop in later to let us know if they are having any damage. I think in Harmony's case, it was mostly rain. My brother lives in that general area of FL, and he said he was in "no danger of getting blown away, but we may FLOAT away."
Cathy -- and others that confirmed that my late night posts are not being ignored -- thank you! And thank you for confirmation that I'm managing okay.
Thanks, Nancy, for reassurance on the "transformation" course.
You know, I sorta just feel numb. I mean, I have fun and I laugh and enjoy time with ds, ddil, and the dgrands... I'm excited about seeing how dgs does with his first year of football, and I enjoy being with my Sunday School friends at church, and I'm looking forward to our Wed. night Bible study re-starting...
but then when I have time to myself... I just kinda go through the motions of what has to be done (laundry, yes... vacuuming, no) or sleep or watch tv -- and don't really allow myself to think about dh. If I DO start thinking about him, I start crying. But I sorta feel like I'm not grieving "enough," because I can just keep my mind pretty much empty, I guess for the most part of the day. I've never been able to do this -- y'all know, probably better than anyone
I realized yesterday that the reason I am now sitting on the couch all the time is yes, it is a better viewing angle to the tv, but also -- if I sit in the recliner like I always did, I'm aware of the empty spot on the couch. I think I will start a MO thread to keep up with how my thought process is going through this first year. I know it will be hard, as Cathy said. Sooo many "firsts." I know it will eventually get better.
And sometimes I feel my tears are so SELFISH. I am so SCARED of all the things I am now "in charge" of -- College Town trips, household and car repairs, keeping up with finances -- with dh, we didn't have a LOT of money, not at all... but dh always told me to go ahead and buy it, whenever something came up that I wanted, and he always just sorta knew what we could afford... now it's all on me and I feel very unsure of myself.
And I miss having him to talk to sooo much. We talked about EVERYTHING.
Yeah, I guess I am grieving "enough." I'm sitting here squalling right now. But I do feel selfish.
LADYM -- you are NOT a homeschool failure!!! NO NO NO!!!
I saw something for teachers on FB last night that said, "You only have to be first day ready." That is YOU, LadyM. You KNOW that all those public school teachers do not have ALL their lesson plans laid out on Day One. Oh my goodness. Sometimes I will admit, I just went in my classroom and prayed that God would get us through the day.
FB is full of all these (probably elementary) teachers who have their rooms decorated like an interior designer came in and did it all, and I love looking at them, but I know if I were teaching still, and the teacher across the hall had a room like that, I'd feel sooo intimidated. And some of them are really overdone, too much stimuli for little kids, but they are beautiful.
I doubt you are worried about decorating your home space for ds, but that's just an example of how some people can make it look like they have everything together, but you don't know what is going on in their heads.
Also sending (((BIG HUGS))) and lots of prayers re: LordM...
Oh, and to say dmil was a "strong woman that walked her own path" is a putting it mildly, and VERY tactfully.
DGD is so strong-willed that ddil says she should have named her for dmil. I do hope she will continue to be strong willed as she grows up though, because I would bet peer pressure never bothered dmil one second. DGD is much more social than DGS, and therefore, I fear, will be more susceptible to fitting in with the crowd.
Sounds like some of my calls with dmom, Kathryn.My sister is rambling on a call with me right now.
I have to go get my hair trimmed, and go by the drug store, and the post office.
DDIL said I should really consider going back to a mailbox here at home, but (1) I don't like the way the mail here is delivered late in the day (SOMETIMES I am actually up long before it is delivered, and I want to read the paper before supper time!) and (2) as long as I have a post office box, I have a real reason to get d2s and get out of the house.