The power of doing little things Sunday June 29, 2025 PWYC

[Twins' Mom]

Oh, I feel for you guys. We had one of those alarm systems that beeped whenever an outside door was opened - this was in the house we moved to when dtwins were four. It drove me crazy sometimes but was helpful. I think Harriet and HRH may have tried one with her dfather.

Dh came home from massage and went to the pool. I've been puttering about upstairs, writing a little, stamping a little, and having a wonderful day! Not sure what's for supper but we'll figure it out.

[Harriet]

Happy Anniversary Lauralind.

Happy extra sleepover fun to Coco.

LadyM, hope the memory keeps improving for dh.

Enjoy all your planning, Twins', and you've GOT to be kidding about the children.

Dd26 and dsonil came early rather than at suppertime. We visited a while and then dd and I went out to pick up some Mexican food and HRH and dsonil stayed here in HRH's office looking at his new shelving, redo, and also looking at his gaming stuff. Back here, the meal was very good and they stayed a little longer.

Dd clipped Tobias' nails, washed up the morning dishes. Dd had good work news of new title and pay raise, although the general news from the company is not so great because of new tariffs since they import a lot of their materials. She's not sure of company's health and so is keeping her resume updated.

HRH and I spent early alone time planning some estate and wills concepts. We need to get back to conversations with lawyer, interrupted because of my treatment schedule. Probably for the best, we now see, because we actually have more thoughts now.

[CathyS]

I was awake far too early this morning, so I had a nap. Now I'm having a hot tea.

Before I laid down, I cut up a small watermelon and made dh a bean salad from a can. There are 6 beans in this new-to-us salad. I just needed to add the oil and vinegar and black pepper.

We are having potato salad, bean salad and coleslaw. Dh wanted bbq-ed hot dogs for supper. We will have the chilled watermelon for dessert.

[Nancy]

I made soup and have it in jars cooling.
Some in a dish for later. Cooling.
It's chicken soup with v-8 in it so has some tomato for a change up from the last batch.

[CathyS]

I got all the clean laundry put away and the bed has fresh sheets on it.

All 3 litter boxes got cleaned early this morning. One of the cats took offense to me not getting the job done yesterday and she let me know she wasn't happy. All the floors around the boxes got sprayed with a scent remover.

Dishwasher is empty again.

[lucylee]

Happy anniversary to you and your dh, Laralind!
You asked yesterday,

How do you all work around the slump of discouragement?

I wish I knew.
As some others said, just getting up and doing SOMETHING will sometimes help, but it is so hard sometimes to take that first step.

I have never been a high energy, highly motivated person, as far as staying on track with my cards or routines or anything... but some days in the last fourteen months have been really difficult.
I am struggling right now with mixed feelings and questioning myself re: what to do about dmom, and I have so much guilt re: my attitude at times towards dh. I was sometimes so impatient and sometimes even resentful, I think, when I thought about how much of the "heavy lifting" I was doing around here. He felt bad about needing my help with so many things, and of course, NOW, I feel bad that I may have contributed to that. I feel guilty for so many "poor me" thoughts I had. I read once a quote that I try to remember -- that we cannot control the birds of (something pertaining to bad thoughts) from flying over our heads, but we can prevent them from building nests in our hair.
And now of course, I'm struggling with what dmom may need from me.
DSISIL made me feel better today -- I thought she might make me feel worse about being reluctant to move in with dmom or bring her to my house, and DSISIL just said, "Being a full-time caregiver is tough," as if, it's something you really have to think about. As so many of you already know! But I think of blessed with help from ddaughters, and Harriet had HRH and DD in the house when your dad moved in -- where here, it's just me. Plus dgrands, at times, which would be an additional problem, not a help.
Yesterday, dgrands were fussing about something and it got kinda loud, and I said, "It's no wonder Granny doesn't want to live here! I don't want to live here!" (They knew I was joking!)
DSISIL and her late dh moved in with her parents when her mother developed Alzheimer's, and stayed when her dad had cancer. But still, she was not entirely on her own.

Right now, I'm just in a place where everything makes me anxious. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere, and I sure don't want to commit to anything. I have agreed to be on the accounts to sign checks at church (this will be with others' direction as to what the checks are for -- I am not in any sort of decision-making position!) and I know I should volunteer to type the bulletin each week in the absence of church secretary whose last day is tomorrow... but I'm afraid that will lead to further commitments and I'm not comfortable with that. Also nervous that I should be volunteering to chaperone children's outings on Wednesdays in July... but... that makes me anxious.

For you newcomers... yes, I'm a little crazy.

Sorry this is all me me me... It has been a long weekend. I'm so glad you ladies are here.

[Kittykatt]

(((LucyLee))). Seeing the situation as an outsider, it appears that your DMum doesn't want to move in with you, nor have you move in with her. I'm not sure how far away you live from each other ATM, but I think you're able to pop in and see me her on a fairly regular basis?

My DDeparted FIL lived in his own home until the last few weeks if his life (DDeparted MIL had passed away some years earlier). He would have hated being uprooted from his familiar surroundings, and certainly didn't want anyone living with him -he valued his independence. He had a good support network, as he had a cleaner who cleaned his house and did his laundry, he bought these ready meals designed for seniors which could be heated in the microwave or oven, he just added a bit of veg, someone came to help him with his garden, he had a stair lift fitted to make it easier to go up and downstairs, and a walk in shower fitted in the bathroom, complete with seat. And he had a personal alarm system, in case he fell or didn't feel well. He was still able to walk the short distance to church and back, one of the neighbours or one of his friends popped in most mornings for coffee, and DH used to take him most weekends to do his shopping and then out for lunch. So he certainly was neither lonely nor neglected. He was well into his 90s when he passed away, after just a week or so in hospital.

Something I've remembered that we didn't use as DFIL was so close, but can be very useful ; if someone elderly and living alone has very regular habits, like making a cup of tea at roughly the same time, every morning (you can tell this is English! ) then you can fit a type of smart plug to the kettle, which will send an alert to a friend/ family member.if the kettle hasn't been switched on by a certain time!

My DF E, who will be 100 in January, lives in a warden assisted retirement complex. She has her own small flat, and lots of people to help her (cleaner, hairdresser, podiatrist, someone to do her laundry etc, and her cleaner takes her shopping each week), but she would hate to have someone actually living with her.

I think so long as someone in has mental capacity, then there are lots of adaptations (grab rails to help stop falls is one) that can be made to enable them to stay living in their own home, if that's one they want. Of course, if someone has bad dementia, then that's a completely different situation, and , as they deteriorate, then they almost certainly will eventually need a higher level of care, either full time carers, or going into a NH.

And now I've written an essay - I hope some of it is helpful!