Sunday PWYC

[Harriet]

lucylee sends me into philosophy and ya'll get stuck with it. It's her fault.

"Gloomy" - no, you were not gloomy in your post, lucylee. Yes, there is such a thing as "memorializing too much", I'm sure. You are barely a year past a great loss. Your post made me think of my ddolder's various family reactions to the anniversaries of her late dh's death about 5 years ago. She and her children watch one of his favorite movies on that evening, having some of his favorite foods, chatting about him. But her dmil is still closing herself off in her bedroom that day, in complete retreat from everyone. He was one of 7 children, most with their own children, too, yet all her family spends that day just trying to coax their mother to have any conversation, even about the weather. She reminds them well how sad to be - almost enforces it - not how grateful to be for his life. (disclaimer - All IMHO - none of my business, and how can I know what the loss of a child feels like. Perhaps I am expecting heroics from her... .. )

"Lazy" - as ya'll know, I question the reality of laziness. I think it may be a figment of our guilt trips, a shadow of our "shoulds" and "oughts". Someday we may have all the knowledge, but now we only guess at the value of the time we have spent contemplating, considering, observing, absorbing.

[Nancy]

LM speaking of easy things /
lunch sliced meat with cream cheese in it rolled up!
Two dogs next door are on alert I went with a soft voice and one small piece of crust from my bfast toast for each them
they calmed down a bit we are making progress so that is good.

Icing my lower back.
Decided against in person church today.

[blessedw2]

hello everyone!!!
dd older and I woke up mom a little late and she was completely soaked. I gave her furosemide yesterday bc her legs were swollen. She took off her pure wick. it was so bad - we ended up giving her a shower and having to wipe everything up. dd washed all of mom's bedding and sanitized the bed/everything and the floors. it was pretty bad but now everything is spotless and very clean.

she ate - sat up for about 1-1/2hours in wheel chair as well - she is getting stronger.
no pain when she moves any more Yay. (no more pain meds).
the lactose helps with the ammonia levels and bilirubin - it's a lot of work but it helps her.

dd younger slept next to her bc I wake up too easily when I am next to her.

I woke at 8:20 (slept late) I have been getting up at 5:00 am

we just finished up that clean up etc. (mom is sleeping again) and now I am putting the baby monitor on so that I can water outside etc.

helper comes tomorrow morning again - nurse comes tomorrow and we will call her heart dr. on Tuesday morning - I am thinking that her heart may not be working like it normally does. (the swelling is new)

-------------------------------------
hi d Nancy how sweet of you to give your neighbors dogs a bit of a treat.
hope you back feels better

hi d harriet I like what you said. - I also question the reality of laziness - I no longer believe in it - it's something that we are taught - or internally learn to put ourselves down because we need time off either physically or mentally. depression is nothing to feel bad about - it's something to get help for.- talk. My d mom went on meds when my dad died. I am glad she did.

Reflective and good words in worship can touch the heart! There have been many times that my cup runneth over from a service. It touches my soul.

hi d lady - glad your outage is over.
hourly easy tasks sounds like a wonderful idea! well done.

hi d cathy glad you found it! - how nice that he put in some gas and checked the oil on the lawn mower - happy mowing

hi d rose

hi d kitty katt

hello everyone!

[Lady Maverick]

The kitchen has been busy. I made manwich and rice. This is one of DH favorite meals. The teens won't touch a vegetable if they can help it, so they decided to cook something else. DS16 and GF are cooking hamburger meat with plans of making soft tacos. Everyone is fed....except for me. I haven't decided what I want to eat yet.

We are at 92F feels like right now with bright sunshine. The higher the temperature goes the more intense the storms become. As predicted the storms are starting to develop in west Texas. They will increase in strength and size as they make their way here in the next 3-4 hours. I am hoping we receive a good soaking rain.

[Nancy]

Taking a rest day.
Saw show on history of Christians glad for my faith and my memories of
apostles Creed being read out loud together and responsive readings.

Napped a bit
Knitted some
watered some of the beds in the shade
offered dogs next door water no takers

I did get out my suit cases for seasonal swap out
not much for summer clothing in them
some are dresses hanging up
and in the other dressers.

I made dog treats.
Did up the dishes.
s2barefeet

[blessedw2]

howdy howdy
watered everything and it felt good to be outside
dd is doing more laundry
dd younger is taking pictures for a training event
dh is chilling - he has been healthy - knock on wood
mom - is still asleep - she doesn't look good - like the end of life look-yesterday she looked ok - sweet mom - I wish she didn't have to go through this. but at least she is not yellow - knock on wood.

I am glad you took a rest day d Nancy

d lady - 92 wow! too hot! stay safe and comfortable. praying you have a good safe rain

I have to clean the kitchen, take a shower, empty boxes, wash whites, tomorrow : bbq

[Lady Maverick]

My SHE cards got behind last week when so many priority activities were happening. With a couple days of effort, the cards are almost caught back up. I love the simplicity of SHE cards.

[CathyS]

Because it has been cooler lately, I decided we were having a cottage roll for supper. I boiled a lot of potatoes on purpose. I also boiled a dozen eggs. Dh was thrilled that I was making potato salad again. I've worked it out that the potatoes have to be cooked through, lots and lots of Miracle Whip and not too much paprika. Dh went to the garden and brought in a handful of chives that he cut with scissors, Dh had a test taste and proclaimed it to be fabulous.

Supper was also good. Just enough left over for me to have some meat in a sandwich for lunch tomorrow. Dh wants the rest of the asparagus for supper tomorrow night and I told him I would make cheeseburgers.

It rained shortly after I cut the grass.

I ran the dishwasher earlier, so I should go and empty it.

I also have both litter boxes to clean and that is enough for one day.

[lucylee]

Sunday... normal day, but I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep last night, so I had a lot of trouble staying awake in church this morning!
After we ate lunch, I came home and slept about 3 hours, I think. (Setting up another problem tonight, probably, but dgs is here and he will certainly allow me to sleep later than DGD, and later than our wake-up time for church.)

Tonight, we had thunderstorms. I came into my bedroom, and dgs' was lying in the bed, no lights on, and he said he was just "listening to the rain." Then, at his suggestion, we both went out on the porch and watched the storm for awhile. I told him, the porch may be too big, and it is a mess a lot of the time (bird poop, spider webs, just like my dmil told me it would be) but I am so glad I have it. I know it's not really smart to be outside during a thunderstorm, but there was no sharp lightning strikes, just flashes all across the sky, and rumbles of thunder. And HEAVY rain. We just sat in the porch swing and dgs gave his estimates of how far away the lightning was and in what community. It was very peaceful -- dsg is not much for deep conversation, but it was nice to just sit there with him.

I did not cook supper tonight, either. Maybe tomorrow.
I appreciate the reassurances, Harriet & blessed -- maybe I am still just reacting to an overload of emotional and mental stress, even though it has been 13 months since dh passed.
As you said, Harriet, re: your dd's dmil, I don't know how I would react to the loss of a child (or grandchild). I might take to my bed and never leave at all, not just on anniversaries. I cannot even imagine how people live through that. I am functioning better than my dmom was 13 months after ddad's passing. I do get out and do certain things... grocery shopping is not a big problem for me... I enjoy the fellowship of others at church, and with my teacher group, and lunches with my dfriend... but when I'm home, it is still sometimes all I can do to just get off the couch. Maybe it's not laziness, maybe it's just the mental exhaustion of keeping up appearances when I'm with others. Then when I'm home, sometimes I just have to sleep.
I don't really feel depressed, but I do still take Paxil for anxiety. I don't think I'm what a doctor would diagnose as depressed, but I do feel just a general numbness, most of the time. I'm sad, but I can enjoy certain things with family or friends -- as long as it's not TOO "social." I still feel kinda hopeless re: the future. Except for seeing dgrands grow up, there's nothing I really feel I can look forward to, so I'm just in a sort of limbo, I guess.
I have always felt lazy and been somewhat embarrassed about it -- partly because my ddad had such a high energy level and expected the rest of the family to keep up with him, and he was a difficult task-master. So I've always known HE thought I was lazy, and I am constantly criticizing myself based on all the "should be doing" I hear from him in my head. I guess a lot of my self-expectations and self-criticisms come from over fifty years of trying to meet what I felt were HIS expectations.
Maybe I should just keep on trying to do better each day, but allowing myself the freedom to do what I feel like without beating myself up about the times I still don't feel like doing anything except lying on the couch.

I have been doing hourly challenges with myself. At the beginning of the hour, I selected 3 easy....very easy.....extremely easy tasks to do before the next TOTH. Because the tasks are so easy then I don't have any resistance in doing them. The result is that those 3 extremely easy tasks get me moving and it results in my brain giving me a dopamine hit...leading to motivation and further success in other endeavors. For me.... A successful hour starts with those extremely easy 3 tasks being planned and executed.

This is such good advice for me, LadyM. Thank you. I will try to follow this tomorrow.

I called dmom after we ate lunch, but she admitted she really didn't feel like having us (DS, dgrands, and me) over, even to bring her belated Mother's Day gift. I asked if she needed us to bring her anything, and she said no.
I certainly hope the doctor can do something that will help her when she sees him Thursday. The first two shots have not really done anything to relieve her pain.

And blessed... oh my goodness... I am in awe of how well you and your ddaughters manage the caregiving with your mother. I would be a basket case.

Cathy's lost picture reminds me that I have not yet found my high school poetry. STILL SMH over this. And feeling nervous about what DS will think of me if he ever comes across it up when I'm gone. If I could find it, I might not immediately shred it, but I could at least put a note in it, as I have my journals, for DS to not judge me too harshly if he reads it, and for him to feel free to toss it unread if he is so inclined. SMH...
DS and DDIL called tonight to ask me to make a list of things that are important to remain in the family -- for example, my maternal great-grandmother's ring that I wear all the time. The loss of her aunt has ddil thinking that she wants to be able to tell dgrands WHY this or that possession is important. I told her I would put "make a list" ON my list!

Hope you all have a great day tomorrow!