It is NOT that severe now, but again, I thank you so, so much for mentioning M*sinex! I feel it has been a lifesaver for me since I started taking it. Cough is now frequent, but productive, and not as painful.
Well, I am sure DS, if he knew, would wish I had read your post two hours ago. That is how long I have kept him on the phone.
I told him I am so sorry I have to lean on him so much, but my mother is asleep, and he's it. I know he is hurting and misses dh terribly, but he has such a wonderful perspective on life, and death, that he IS a truly wise person to talk to at times when my mind is spinning out of control.
But you are exactly right -- and this is what DS is thinking -- dbil might actually enjoy having DS along since his own son doesn't accompany him to games anymore, maybe once or twice a year, and DGS is old enough to be good company, and talk about the game with, and is knowledgeable about different players, etc. DS said it was "kinda an insult to DGS that you think he would be an imposition to them."
As far as the fiance -- she has three grown children, eleven (I think) grandchildren, and a couple of great-grands now. Except for the great-grands, who are toddlers, all her grands are "grown and too busy now" and she acts like she is crazy about my dgrands. In fact, the "plan" is for DDIL to ask HER privately if they would be okay with DGS going to a game with them... and then when she says of "course not"... then SHE will present the scenario to dbil and he will not want to tell her no. LOL...
This is ddil's plan. I told DS, just don't bring it up tomorrow night; wait till I'm not around. DS also reminded me that if we are talking about people being an imposition, did I not remember all the times we spent football weekends with him and dbil and nephew would come pile in with us... there was at least one night when we slept as follows: ds's roommate in his room alone, ds's girlfriend in ds's waterbed, DS on the floor of his bedroom, (they were in sight of us, doors open), dh and me on the fold-out sofa in the den, AND dbil and nephew on an air mattress right beside us!!! That was not a very comfortable night for me, worrying about snoring and sleeping in a room with three men. Shaking my head... imposition...
DH and I always got a hotel when nephew and dniece were in school.
ANYWAY. I'm feeling much better now.
DS also pointed out that maybe I don't need to go to College Town right now; maybe God is protecting me from what would be too emotional. I told him part of me WANTS to go, partly to see the family that has sat behind us since dh and I married. The patriarch of this family passed away a few years ago, and his wife and adult children and grands still come, and I would love to see them -- but, DS said, maybe that would be too much for you right now.
He also said, right now, nobody EXPECTS you to do ANYTHING, and if they do, that's their problem. If you don't want to go to a ballgame, it doesn't matter what all your reasons are -- it's enough that you are grieving and you are not up to it right now. They don't have to know you have travel anxiety or that you think you're acting like a baby or anything -- you just don't feel like going right now and that's enough.
I don't know how a person this intelligent came out of our home, but I sure am thankful he's mine.
Another blessing...
my mother, who was ready to hang up her car keys last Saturday, has rallied quite well. She went to church yesterday, and she has informed me that she does not need me to take her to the pain clinic tomorrow, Yes, it is in Next Town, but she can drive herself there just fine, it's easy to get in and out of that office, and she will be FINE. So, I will have time to * maybe * run the vacuum around here before my guests arrive.
I do NOT look forward to celebrating my first birthday without dh. His birthday was hard, but we did not try to celebrate.
My cousin is baking me a German chocolate cake. It has always been one of my favorites, but I never got it because dh hated coconut so much. Dmom always made ddad one for his birthday, but it's been 11 years since I had one of hers. But, I sorta dread tomorrow.