2025!!!!! Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, winter again.

[Ramblinrose]

Oh Blessed...Everything you write I have seen on all my Alzheimer's pages on FB. Just read some responses about caretakers having to go on the hunt for their LO...Love Ones...including underwear, dirty diapers, kitchen knives and such. I had a good laugh over it and shared it with Sweetie because he has lost several things as well. This morning he came to me and said he couldn't find his dog tag. Thats the metal label I had made for him with all our important information. Said he thought it might be in a pair of pants he wore, but couldn't find the pants. We hung them up together the other night after he wore them and sure enough I found it in his pant's pocket.

My suggestion to you is to get in touch with your Alzheimer's Asso or go to their web page. They are dedicated to helping caretakers solve many problems with their LO's. Many of the things you write about..sitting all day, not sleeping at night, the retelling of tales...are all mentioned by many of the caretakers on my fb page, and over and over again other caretakers keep directing them to the AA.

I know you want to keep your mom with you. And I understand what happens when your mom brings up hurtful things from the past. My mom did the same...plenty of hurtful things directed at me. What I ended up doing what telling my mom I just didn't want to hear those things and walked a way. I never tried to redirect any of her conversations, just said I didn't want to hear about it. It worked and I told her I wouldn't allow being spoken to like that. Not sure she understood what I was saying at times, but is sure did help me.

I am wondering if you have an adult day care center in your area. Perhaps that would be a place to give you some breathing room and they are really good at dealing with clients like our LO's. I know I am looking for one when the time comes with Sweetie. I will keep him at home for as long as I can, but am preparing for what the future holds. One of my best friends who I taught Special ED with for over 12 years became a caretaker for clients. She was the one who suggested the day care center.

So far I haven't had any problems with getting Sweetie to bath or shave, but again I know its in the future. Many on the fb page have decided not to fight some of the obvious things like changing clothes...My mom had problems with pants as well and I ended buying sweat pants with ties in the front of them. She had the opposite problem and couldn't get in and out of her pants and these made it really easy for her. I bought mine at WM for her, She used to be a clothes horse, but loves the ease of her pants.

Hang in there as the days go and know I am right behind you and totally understand your frustrations. Hugs my dear

[blessedw2]

Mom and I have mostly evened out - I don't mind mom being home here, actually I have enjoyed most days, but I worry that I am not doing enough to keep her moving forward. She does not like being with women her own age - never has. I wonder if her being with me is stopping her from moving physically. I see her happy most of the time but her dementia/alzheimers can make her not realize that she is not doing her usual routine of getting dressed in pajamas, or getting dressed to clean under things in the morning. She believes she has brushed her teeth or that she changed but hasn't.
she does brush her hair every day but will forget to wash up.
it's hard to see her sleep all day - if the tv is on she will be upset that I turned it off. once it is on she zones into it and does nothing else. I have been working on not putting the tv on until later. Today she helped dd older with cleaning of the extra bedroom.

she told dd older that the only one complaining about her independence etc. is the girls. She said if she weren't happy she would go back to her apartment or go to Florida. I honestly don't now what to do.

The problem is that my girls feels she is okay enough to go to Florida and that she is independent there. What if I am wrong. I think that's why I want a counselor to help all of us to be on the same page.

[CathyS]

Two questions... Has she been tested to see if she does have dementia or Alzheimers? How old is she? My ex and his dad were in denial that my xmil had had memory issues even after she tried to burn their house down. They got her tested and she was in the advanced stages already and was put into a nursing home not long afterwards.

[blessedw2]

d rose you and your dh is such a treasure!!!

great points d Cathy - no I don't think she has been formally tested - it was the dr. in Florida that said (after dd younger/and I said something). I don't think they did testing. I am not even sure where to start - I was thinking a neurologist - ??? She is 87 almost 88. When her meds are messed up- her brain and her body are really off - that's why we took over on meds. With meds she is good (and water) but it's still there. I knew my grandmother (dad's mom) had it - she died of pneumonia , my grandfather -went to the extreme - he had it until he didn't know how to eat/swallow etc (mom's dad in his early 90's) -

dh is different: dh his medications and his cancer treatment made him go off plus he has always had his own sets of ideas especially with foods and his own medical diagnosis that are way off. we sometimes call him Dr. dh - (it was so sad to see him suffer through the fear he had about things he saw and thought he was experiencing) oxygen deprivation, blood pressure, antibiotic cocktail huge when his white blood cells were out of control all added to his brain electricity frying while he was in the hospital.

after experience with my dear family I can see things that maybe others can't see. it's not bad or good - it just is.

she can still do the clock thing - easy peasy - calendar - she needs guidance but is now in the 2020's and up. She no longer states it is the 80's or 90's - she goes in and out of circles of action - somethings have helped her - talking with us and being busy with us has been a plus. She no longer gets that spaced out look.

Other things I need help on - nothing earth shattering but dd's wanting her to go back to Florida is to me not a good thing. I just wonder if I am being over protective. Would she do better. I think I need someone-without prejudice, from the medical field to tell us exactly where she is. I am not exactly sure where to start.

[blessedw2]

oh oh I am getting sidetracked.
time to work

card file here I come
shower to s2s
exercise
pt shoulders later on
walking up and down the stairs
meds mine meds mom

getting stuck... focus

[Nancy]

Blessed I wonder about the 9th floor and that elevator not working would be a vote against Florida in my decision making for sure.
Not unless that changed could I see a way forward on it.

[blessedw2]

the elevator is working again- which is a blessing. I am sure the last hurricane wet all the wiring etc. I know mom can't climb the patio area but again I think I worry.

[CathyS]

Call her doctor's office the next day that they are open and ask for an appointment. Go with her. Ask the doctor. If he can't do it, he will give you information on who to call. Easy peasy. This isn't something to procrastinate over. There is no way she should be living on her own.

[Ramblinrose]

Blessed… didn’t you mention a while back that if your mom didn’t move back to FL that the girls wouldn’t be able to stay in the condo. Could this be part of the reason they want your mom to move back?

[blessedw2]

actually dd younger is working and is looking for her own place - We have talked all talked about it - dd older thinks that dd younger should stay so that mom can enjoy her home and have someone there. not me - dd needs to be independent. ( I am adamant about this ). They both think she is better being active on her own - her place in Florida gives mom a lot of joy-and she is busy with her circles - it doesn't hurt anything and it does keep her moving - that's the problem here - she is not constantly busy like she is in Florida - it is a stunning place that looks over the gulf- but if she is there then she needs someone there for a couple hours - I think for lunch or dinner- mom is independent working and showering and dressing over there. dd younger would have to come back at night no matter what or hire someone for the nights. (in my opinion)
my brother is planning on keeping the condo for a year no matter what but that could change - everything ends and it has been lovely for all of them. Not my thing even though it is beautiful.

I think I need to get her tested without making her feel bad.

I will talk to her dr. and see if I can see a neurologist for testing so we know where we stand - that my own or dd's views are not skewed by our love for mom.