Pruning Saturday

[Cowinkie]

Lucylee ...I grew up with a very controlling father and for muchof my adult life he lived in my head too. When I got to be your age I decided enough was enough and I did two things. First I told him in a very nice way if he couldn't say nice things about my family members he could keep his opinions to himself. Then when he would start to bring something up and he did I sweetly told him i wasn't going to discuss it and changed the subject.

The second thing I did was to realize that I was giving power to the statements my dad said to me and I changed that. IMHO people who complain or critize others are people who do not feel good about themselves and want others to feel that way too. Not that they do it intentionally. I believe that iteaxh other people how to treat me by the way I respond to their behaviors. I may not be able to change other people but I can let them know what behaviors I am willing to accept or not if that is the case. Never mind your mom defending your dh. That's your job . My exdh never defended me when his mom critized me even though he sided with me and I could never understand that.

Off my soapbox the horserace is about to run

[Harriet]

Cowinkie makes me think of:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt

HRH loves that quote. It speaks to him about his difficult childhood and his self-worth. I think that the quote is true, but it is amazing to me how easily I can forget that truth if I feel inferior. I have found that raising an eyebrow helps my resolve to remember my self-worth, because righteous indignation is an important part of the mix.

lucylee, my theory of the difference is that men 1) have egos that are easily bruised, but 2) don't really know/believe that about themselves. Now, that is a generalization, but I think it's true in your case with the different approaches you have developed with each parent. Have you ever talked to your brother about this subject? Does he feel the same way when he disappoints or upsets your ddad, or is he immune?

Gee, Eleanor Roosevelt said some profound things. Here's one you might not find in profound writings about her:

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall. - Eleanor Roosevelt

[lucylee]

ROFLOL @ the second quote, Harriet!

Got home and realized the background is obviously the boy's bathroom sign and open door.

Also LOL @ this. I'm sorry. Couldn't help but laugh. That kind of thing is always happening to me.

I think dbro is affected much the same as I am by ddad. He just has the luxury of distance to give him a buffer zone. Dbro IS better at not allowing people to "rent space in (his) head" however.

Ddad certainly has an easily bruised ego, but nooo... he would probably not admit or believe that. You are exactly right on that point, Harriet.

And in all fairness, I must say that ddad is extremely popular and well-respected among all who have ever met him. He is an extrovert to the extreme -- we've always said he should be a politician -- he has never met a stranger, and by the time he leaves that new friend, he will know all about them and their parents and children and what they are involved in... cars, sports, hunting, whatever. He is a very dedicated Christian and is very disappointed that he won't be making the church mission trip this summer. He's an extremely hard worker, devoted to his brother & sister, nieces & nephews, and yes, us... but it does seem that he sometimes spreads himself waaay too thin, and his wife and children get the short end of the stick.
Also, I don't mean to make him sound wealthy or anything... he's had the Pontiac since 1963, bought it from a friend when it was less than a year old, and only recently has he started putting money into it. One of the Corvettes is a 1975 or 76. He bought it when it was about 3 years old -- right after I got married! The other is probably five years old or more, bought used also. He never bought a car off the lot until after I was married, in fact, and then only b/c he qualified for a family discount through his brother.
Anyway -- he's not all bad... he's a good man in a lot of ways. He just drives ME crazy.

Thanks for excellent advice, and Cowinkie & Harriet, y'all are exactly right -- I have to realize that I am the person who has to control what is going on in my own head. I have to quit being so sensitive and nervous about his approval or lack thereof, and realize that -- although he has no idea how to express it -- he really loves me a lot, and he is pretty proud of me. I know that... it's just hard to RELAX and remember it.

That is too bad that they can't have everyone graduate together, Harriet. I'm sorry for the sadness of graduation for dd, but I hope she will LOVE high school. I wish she could be in my class next year!

Oh -- remember -- the beagle is mixed w/Jack Russell. * sigh * But she really is a sweet dog. VERY friendly & good-natured. A little hyper, as you might imagine.

[lucylee]

Progress:

[x] walk/exercise * 3 miles outdoors *
[/] change sheets * clean sheets are now in a pile on bed
[/] vacuum floors * all living area done except master bath/bedroom and utility/laundry room
[/] focus vacuuming in study/entry * did the entry, not the study
[x] CVS
[x] Walmart
[x] talked to daunt
[x] talked to dmom
[x] talked to dfriend * a coworker's father passed away today *
[x] talked to second dfriend * to pass on that news *
[x] picked up supper for dmil
[x] picked up supper for us
[ ] movie tonight -- Prometheus * I am going into this w/some lack of enthusiasm. Sci-fi is just not really my thing. *

Now to try to get those half-done jobs completed!

[Sunny]

Reading today's posts has been interesting. I am definitely an introvert type. I am happiest when I am home with my dfamily around me. During my work years I had to force myself to be enthusiastic about speaking out at our morning meeting and leading our store cheer! Over the years I have felt better about this though, and I can converse with anyone who speaks to me, but I prefer not to speak to an audience!

Today was the first day in a week that we have not had any rain. Our grass has grown and is green again! The ground will have to dry for a couple of days so we can do some mowing.

Spoke with ds#2 yesterday and his family will be here to visit tomorrow. Also talked with ddil#1. She called to ask if we wanted to come to their house for supper instead of them coming to us. We accepted! We had a nice visit with them and were happy to see our dgkids as we hadn't seen them for a few weeks.

Nothing else new at the moment. I've been thinking of all here in the Village, sending good thoughts out to everyone!

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Forsythia was trimmed (or massacred, time will tell) and I chopped back the fir tree that had overgrown the walkway. Transplanted some sprigs of forsythia which had rooted where I didn't want it. If it takes - great, if not, no biggie. There are two rabbits enjoying the clover in my garden and they were annoyed that I was digging around them. I left the clover rather than weeding it up.

Swept the front porch too while dh went for his Chinese food.

Our outdoor chairs were picked up and taken over to the church for seating during the picnic. Dh got the bbq working again.

After supper, we went over to the church and set up the counter-top oven. Came home and prepared the ingredients. Still have no script for my patter - don't know if I should write something down or not. Found an 1860 Bible on the shelf at the church - I thought we only had the 1894 one (which would have been the pulpit Bible for our current building) so don't know if this has been found at someone's home and if it belonged to our church at all times. Anyway, it goes with my children's lesson so I've put it up on the baking table.

We watched a lot of tv tonight. I have a bad headache, probably nerves but it took a tylenol to make it go away.

I guess I'll go to bed now and try to sleep.

[Harmony]

I'm up way too late, but I've had a long nap and just now starting to get sleepy.

Good advice given here for Lucylee. You were right, what I meant was your DDad mentally in your head controlling your thoughts / worries, not physically in your face all the time. One of the things I do is say to myself, gee I'm __ years old...how old do I want to be when I finally GET this? I realize I can't change everything about myself I'd like, but for those things I can change, I'm running out of time to do that.

Cleaned up kitchen. Sorted mail. A couple hours' work piled on my desk now. DH cut the grass. I do not know how he did so much today after the hard day yesterday. Hope I can sleep now. This is how it starts, getting my days and nights mixed up.

[lucylee]

Movie Review that cannot wait!!!
We did NOT see Prometheus.

We saw Bernie, starring Jack Black, Matthew McConnaghey (sp???), and Shirley McClain.
It is a true story... and sort of a dark comedy. Jack Black plays a funeral director in a small Texas town.
That is ALL I can tell you without ruining the story. Don't try to find out all about it before you see it -- it'll ruin the story. There's something of a surprise (or at least it was for me!)
The opening scene IS kinda morbid... like I said, he is funeral director. But it was FASCINATING. Some of it is sad, some of it is shocking, some of it had me LOL till I was crying! But it IS all true -- and I guess that's why I liked it so much -- all those people are just like people in my hometown... * well, except for ONE of the people, as far as I know *!
If you see it, be sure to stay until the very final credits, I mean, Roman numerals, screen goes black.
We both really liked it, and it is not getting a lot of publicity. We couldn't understand why not, with those stars in it.