Sunday Showers

[Harriet]

I was thinking as I read that Twins Mom with nap and then double posts of accomplishment rounds, and lucylee with her long post to fill us in, seem to be on a "back to normal" day today. Perhaps we here can see normalcy in each other's lives by looking at the post before we even read.

((Elizabeth)) I am remembering the more pleasant times you've told us about recently and hoping they will become more of the norm for you and dd. Since these behaviors started so early for your dd, it would seem there is more going on here than just "bad" behavior, and that's what makes me wonder if nutritional intervention might help her underlying difficulties with behavior. Websites for nutritional changes for children, even if they are not exactly your dd's problems, might offer some kind of guidelines. Lynlee knows a lot more about effects of children's diet than me, or where to start. She often mentions Feingold studies. I know that the two supplements suggested for aggressive behavior are magnesium and B6, and a deficiency of iron actually causes children behavior problems where there were none before. I believe there are blood tests for deficiencies in all those, but then we are talking about a child, not an adult to whom blood draws can be explained, I know that. But what if your xdh is unknowingly sending her to (((you))) after meals of the most behaviorally stimulating thing - who knows - and just continues to do so in ignorance.

Waving to Kally!

[Elizabeth]

Hello again. DD11 has gone back to XDH and he has her for tomorrow's holiday. I feel guilty about being relieved, but I am. After I finish typing this, I will look up something at the bank and reorder checks. I need to do several LOLs, but the one on the drying rack is not dry yet, so I can't. No dryer pretty much means one tiny load a day at most. When I sat down at the computer, I heard a RIIIIIP! Looks like I will be decluttering my black corduroy pants, and NOT to the giveaway pile. I need to update Quicken, work on a box (I think I will finish one today), and do some Bible study homework. I may need to go to the grocery store too. I normally do that on Monday, but if I get stuff today, I can cook tomorrow. (I cook meat in mass quantity and freeze it).

lucylee: XDH has suggested conseling for DD and me, and I think we should too. However, he has never seen any of his own fault in the problem.

helia: My mother and I have always believed that there was something neurologically wrong with DD. She was a middle school teacher of ~35 years and so has experience with more children than most people. No one believes us. However, she is getting tested in school, so hopefully we will get some answers there. Thands for the prayers, we are in dire need of them.

harriet: I had not thought about nutritional deficiencies or reactions. It never occurred to me because I have always suspected neurological problems due to major problems during the pregnancy. XDH has her all the time except Tuesday nights and Sundays, because I can't handle her, so it would be hard for me to effect a diet change. He doesn't feed much junk and she eats very healthy. However, she could be sensitive to something. I will try to find out.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Elizabeth I know a lot of people have issues with the additives in Chinese food and that is one of your 'staples' with dd. Perhaps you can find another staple for a month or so to see if that makes a difference. One thing I learned about food sensitivities, often the person 'craves' the food that is bothering them. So even if your dd loves a food, it doesn't mean the food doesn't cause her issues.

You work a lot with cats so I'll word my comment to you in cat terms.

I'm allergic to cats, they make me miserable, are a terrible responsibility, make houses smell, are dangerous for pregnant women, destroy furnishings with their scratching, murder birds, and scratch people (and can badly infect people when they do.) I am not even sure why people bother to have cats, life is better without them.

Seriously, I have met only one cat in my life that I liked. But that doesn't mean that I suspect cat people are covering up the truth. You are not a child person (you've said you felt that way even before you had dd) but you know the joy animals can give to people. A lot of people feel that way about children.

You are tired, frustrated, and feel trapped in parenthood. And I bet you think others don't understand how you feel. You are probably right in most cases. I certainly believe you feel the way you do, and know that this will only last for another 8 years or so, but I can't fully understand your feelings because I've never felt that way. Please remember, though, you don't understand how we (people who love being parents) feel either.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Reasonably good day here.

Service went well. Poor dh managed to survive it (he has an awful cold.) His voice even held, although the chords were tough on the last hymn and his hand nearly gave out. That he hadn't expected.

After church, we dropped off the instruments, I changed into warmer clothes (it is wicked cold here) and then we went into town for lunch and to pick up some groceries.

I bummed around for a bit of the afternoon, then finally napped before getting up to started a roast chicken for dinner. Did it traditional style, instead of beer-can for a change (and because we are out of bbq spice.)

I need to clean up the kitchen quickly now before Downton Abbey starts. Tonight is the finale.

[Elizabeth]

Kathryn: Perhaps I used the wrong wording when I said 'covering up'. But the fact is, I was lied to by everyone I have ever known. I was told that the good outweighs the bad in parenting. That has not been true. I was aware that it would not be total joy all the time, but I was expecting to have something positive about it. The difference between kids and cats (or any pet) is that people understand it is not always a good thing. People will actually admit that pets can be a mistake. It's not allowed in our society to think of children as a mistake.

[lucylee]

Progress:
[x] allergy shots
[x] write check for paper delivery man
[x] check grocery list
[x] go to grocery store (Wmart) w/dh
[x] visit dmil
[x] check dparents' mail
[x] cleaned out dparents' freezer
* Daunt came yesterday & cleaned out refrigerator. Oh my goodness -- I don't know WHEN it has looked this nice! Daunt also took down the Christmas tree & put it away. Daunt is waaaay, waaaay too good to us. I told y'all she & dcousin have given dgs not one but two Valentine's Day gifts. WE didn't even send Valentine's Day CARDS to the little cousins, ages 5 & 3. As ddil said, we are just scum.
[x] call dparents
[/] finish grading journals & reading class work
[ ] record grades
[ ] reconcile checkbook/statement
[ ] type administrative council minutes
[x] finish laundry (dh's stuff -- tomorrow is ironing lady day)
[x] put sheets back on bed
[x] exercise
[/] watch Killing Lincoln on * correction, I think * National Geographic channel

Hmmm... Kathryn... good analogy re: cats. (I'm allergic to them, too!) And I can imagine that some people are sorta "allergic" to children. I was always sorta afraid of other people's babies & small children. I was really scared of what kind of mother I would be. And I'm still not certain exactly how good a mother I was in ds's formative years... but ds certainly turned out amazingly well, so at least I didn't do too much harm. Dmom said once, parenting IS hard, and you have to wait 30 years to find out if you did it right... but he'll be 30 in October. So now I can just maybe concentrate on not being a bad grandma!

Anyway, Elizabeth, if xdh doesn't think he needs counseling, just go without him -- just you & dd. Then, maybe you can get him to join you later, at the counselor's suggestion, you know, just so he'll be on the same page with the two of you and know what the counselor is telling you. School counselor and testing results there could also be helpful and you could get dh to go to a conference at the school's request -- always best to talk to both parents, you know, especially when custody is shared.
My allergist doesn't test for food allergies, but surely some place would be able to.
I'm praying for you, too. (((BIG HUGS)))

Yep... back to normal... endless list... but some progress.

Wow. Typo.

after teaching over 300 children

That should have said 3000 children.
30 years x 100+ every year. Yep. 3000.
No wonder I can't remember anyone's name.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Elizabeth I understand that you might feel people are covering up 'reality' but I assure you that they were only doing so because their reality is not your reality. And I'm sure you are right that people "lied" to you when they told you that you would feel differently when time passed - they did so because they felt that thinking positive might help your reality. As you said, in this society it is a hard reality to admit that not everyone is meant to be a parent. Couples that are childless by choice often have a very hard time, feeling that they must defend that decision.

I am so sorry for you that you were forced into a situation that you wanted no part of and have found no joy in.

(I've written more but decided this should be taken off-line so look for a PM)

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Another season of Downton Abbey is over. Grumble. Didn't like the ending.

Off to bed now.

It is Monday morning in NZ and dh just learned he got the first of the contracts for the NZ government (work will be done here and delivered via the internet.) He's so excited he worries he won't be able to sleep. Thankfully they broke a GIANT contract into smaller bits (means we'll be paid more quickly.) Even so, this is a good-sized chuck of money but means 70 hour weeks for him (40 hours for them and 30 for his standards work and running the company.) That means I'm cooking for the next month or so. God help us.

Looks like I'll be giving up my husband for Lent!

[CathyS]

Hi everybody!

(((Elizabeth)))

I was feeling well enough to work on Thursday and Friday. Spent the entire day in a flannel nightie yesterday and watched a massive snow storm come and go. It was very picture-esque. Pretty enough for a Christmas card.

Saw dd today, had an e mail from my sister and from my dad.

[Lilac]

Elizabeth, this is what I have observed over the years and I have always felt like your now xdhs attitude towards you has made your dd act the way she does. Back when I lurked and your dd was small, he would be working on his airplane night after night and it seemed like you never received the support from him that you needed. Way back then he always seemed to cause the problems between you and your dd because he never put up a united front with you, where she was concerned.

Then the way he treated you about a divorce. I was furious when you found out that he was seeing one of your "friends". Your dd has seen the way he has treated you and she continues to add to it, because she knows he will never set her straight. I imagine in his mind it is all your fault. But in my mind, he has a lot to do with it. It seems like he never helped the 2 of you bond. I have news for him, he may feel pretty smug that she is "his" daughter, but he is doing her no favors by allowing her to treat you the way she does.

This is all just my personal opinion, but I want you to know that I care about you and what you have had to endure.