Mostly Monday

[Elizabeth]

Hi everyone! Fast check in. Here is the list of things I need to do after payroll:

check all prescriptions (at least one needs refill)
database work
kitchen
LR (especially clean off sofa)
MBR
master bath
call vet

Tomorrow, I need to check in with the lawyer if she has not gotten back to me.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Dh and I went for a long stroll around the building, starting at the main (South) entrance and ending up at the west entrance but this time going past the east, around the cancer clinic and around the day surgery wing. Took us about 40 minutes including a 10 minute rest out on a bench. It is warm/hot out but a bit breezy. The hospital is really quite small, although spread out. Only 86 medical beds (and at least 10 of those are closed in my wing for the summer.)

Checked with the nurse before we left and she said it was unlikely the doc would be in. Got back and found in another room so dh is waiting here for him to finish up before dh leaves, in case he comes in to update me on the tests. Dh, hasn't had dinner yet.

Dinner for me (remember this is my first solid food in 5 days) was roast beef, yorkshire pudding, both covered in gravy, baby carrots and apple crisp. I had about half of the main plate and the tea, gave the cranberry juice and dessert to dh. Dh picked up ds from work and he had his supper break with me (dh paid to buy him a sandwich.)

Ds will be going away on Wednesday. Our family Christmas is Saturday in Toronto, but I don't imagine we'll make it. Until I have a diagnosis, I'm terrified to leave town. Ds will represent us on his own this year.

[lucylee]

Wow -- page 4! I'm so far behind I can't even pretend to respond to everyone... but goodness, you are all on my mind today!
Especially (((Harriet & family))). So many loving thoughts and prayers going up for this dfamily.

Also -- (((BIG HUGS))) for Twins & dd... and Kathryn... and I'm sure there are others I missed in a rather hurried cuop.

OKay -- I'm sorry -- but it made me feel a little better to see that you felt you had not been "on your game" since your ddad's passing.
I did not go w/dmom today to have ddad's will probated. I feel bad about that, b/c dbil seemed to assume I would, but when I talked to dmom yesterday, she said there was no need in it at all, that she would be fine. We've got dgs today & tonight, until after midnight at least, and she knew it was grocery day, etc... plus we were going to see about getting new tires.

That was another wasted effort, b/c apparently M ichelin tires are in a recall across the country, and most of the warehouses our local dealer does business with will not have new ones in stock until at least two weeks from now.
* sigh *

I did manage to call allergy doctor for refill on my shots... and I've got a load of laundry in the washer.

Tried to walk this morning, but the neighbors' crazy dog was loose and I'm a little scared of it.

Tried to call dmom just now and she did not answer.
She has mentioned that when she has her foot surgery, Friday, Aug. the 9th, she is a little uneasy about being 2 hours away from her doctor all weekend "in case I got really sick or something and had to go the emergency room." She has to be back on Monday for a check of the incision, etc, anyway, and she was wondering about staying up there all weekend.
Ooohhh... I just told her I thought that was too much. I could not be *did not want to be* away from home/dh from Thursday until Monday. My goodness. In a hotel w/her hobbling around on 1 foot for 3 extra nights? I will just go crazy. I told her to mention her concerns to the nurse when she called today to confirm the appt. Surely there is no need to stay up there all weekend. If she insists on that, I am going to talk to dbro about timing his visit that weekend. He's been talking about coming up for a visit anyway.
Good gracious.

My grief/depression re: loss of ddad is more of this overwhelming thing that I feel so responsible for all this stuff that ddad is (in my mind) supposed to be taking care of. I know that just sounds so selfish and babyish... but I am just not ready for this. I am not ready for my dmom to need ME so much... I am not ready for my dmom to be alone... and I just feel nervous and overwhelmed.
I want to just enjoy my retirement w/out worrying about dmom all the time...
I want to go back to the way things were at least 2 years ago... before ddad started chemo... before everything went crazy.
Of course, if I went back in time, and froze everything there, then there would be no dgs..... so I don't really want to do that.

I'm just sorta sad and fretful tonight, and I think y'all understand... so I'm going to follow OKay's example, try to get back into my cards/routines, maybe start keeping a gratitude journal again.

I truly don't mean to be such a downer here, either. I know we all have enough grief and worries to go around... but that is also why I share all this, b/c I know y'all understand.

[DeeClutter]

You definitely not being babyish. It's just plain all overwhelming, LucyLee.

Struck me while cuop how concerned we do become for each other here and feeling each other's losses, our joys, our downs, our illnesses, etc, etc. etc. Thank you Cowinkie & Dove just knowing how close we all are makes me feel even better.

Need to find directions to surgeon's office for tomorrow. Pretty sure his office is connected to the hospital but not sure how to get there. Glad I didn't have to go today -one of the interchanges a tanker went over the side and fell onto another truck below. It's been closed all day and that's the way I go. Don't want to have to go across the city if I don't have to -much easier trip the way I go.

Think I'll get ready for bed and go read for a while.

Your stroll, albeit the location, sounded pretty good, Kathryn.

See you all tomorrow. Keeping Harriet & family close in thought and prayer.

[Twins' Mom]

Kathryn, glad for the walk and the solid food for you.

I've gotten quite a bit done sitting in front of the computer this afternoon. Tomorrow I have a dental appt at 11, then will go on to visit my dmom. There's a Goodwill drop off place along the way so I'll also knock that out.

Lucylee, yes, I do understand...sending relaxing thoughts your way. I'm okay with a lot of things, but the thought of my dmom and/or dbro going with me on Thursday to visit dsis makes me crazy. Hard to explain but I like to be alone with my thoughts when I drive and the idea of them being along and feeling like they have to keep a conversation up is quite unpleasant. I still remember the trip with a coworker to another coworker's father's funeral when the coworker talked constantly for almost 8 hours of driving. Ready to pull my hair out, I still just about have a reaction when she starts talking even now...

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Solid food may not be a good idea. I now have awful diarrhea. Seems like I can't catch a break. Just cleaned up me, my bed, my floor.

[Nancy]

{{{Harriet K in C Lynnl. LucyL. Dee and others going through stuff.}}}

H. worked late today dinner is on the way.

Laundry is folded & awaiting being put away I finally feel like I'm
making some progress around here.

The baby's mom is going to pt again so I'd re-adjusting to that in my schedule had to give my self a "talking to" and attitude adjustment it was supposed to be temp. when babyN. first came any way.

Dgson was looking longingly at the chickens today when dd dropped off dgd; I could tell he wanted to be here instead of summer school of course!

I don't think dgd was overly impressed with camping she mentioned not sleeping very well. But she did not nap today.

Got to scoot my gardening show is on in 5 min. *~poofers*~

[lucylee]

Well, already, so many things to be thankful for...
Thankful I was not in either of those trucks, Dee! Thankful YOU were not on that road! * whew *

I hope everything goes well tomorrow for you & dh, Dee... will be thinking of you both...

and more (((BIG HUGS))) for Kathryn... certainly thinking of you and hoping you get home and back to normal SOON!

and (((BIG HUGS))) for Twins... I can sooo relate to your anxiety re: trip w/dmom and/or dbro. And the talkative coworker... I sooo understand.

I repeated to dmom tonight my dislike for any plan that had me staying 4 nights in the hotel. She said she understood. I told her to try to get the surgery rescheduled to another day if it was going to be necessary to stay up there the night following surgery, and dbro couldn't come.

Thankful that dmom has sounded more like herself, more focused/normal, the last couple of times we talked.

Nancy... I also can relate to the need for a "talking to" and attitude adjustment.

Third load of laundry is probably finished now.
See, I am making progress... just slow go.

I appreciate all your reassurance that I'm not turning into a selfish, bratty baby. It IS overwhelming. I keep telling myself, anyone who had just retired and also just lost a parent would be a bit overwhelmed. I appreciate y'all pointing that out to me some time ago -- I think Cowinkie said it first -- these are both HUGE life-changing stressful events... and I had them hit me in less than a month. I'll get better.

[Harriet]

I am truly appreciating all the kind thoughts here. Also I'm grateful that there is update here for me to check and find out how you all are. I want to send hugs to Kathryn, Dee and Lynlee. Feeling all mamabear-ish with Twins' Mom, disappointment with Nancy. Oh, ((Kathryn)) just reading more.

We are all very tired of course and I do have down feelings. Enough typed about that. I'm keenly aware of the deaths of parents for several in our village recently.

Sometimes it seems like Grand Central Station and I don't really thrive in that environment. My throat is painful and I'm hoarse because I have so many conversations with so many people. Dd33 keeps putting a hand on my arm or physically stepping between, lol.

Praying everyone has a restful night either now or as soon as night comes.

[lucylee]

So glad dd33 is there to step up, step in between, etc for you, Harriet! I know your whole family is trying to take good care of you! Please let them do that. There is no shame in retreating to your bedroom and letting a visitor be told, "mother is sleeping right now. She'll be so sorry she missed you..."
Much love and prayers.