SHEs Organized

Oh, (((Mystery)))... IKWYM... and I am feeling a little depressed today. I have had no enthusiasm for anything, and I don't really know what I am enthusiastic about.
I have been sitting in the t-shirt I slept in all day long, in bed, and I started crying while I was talking to DS. I shouldn't bring this up in the midst of all the enthusiasm here on the board, being a Debbie Downer... but while you are all doing so well, I am in hopes y'all can show me some perspective.

I depressed myself last night, mainly about two things --

1st, while looking for something else, I came across a children's book about grief, and it had a line that said, "I'm afraid I will forget you." My mind of course went to the fear that dgrands' will forget dh. They were 8 and 11 when he passed. Neither of them shows very much emotion about anything (except when they are mad at each other or DGD is missing her mommy and daddy). I talk about dh when something comes up that it is natural to refer to him -- "Boy, Granddaddy would have loved that..." "Granddaddy would have been upset about that call..." When DGD and I were decorating the tree, certain ornaments brought up memories, especially the one with some pressed flowers from his funeral -- DGD said, "I helped Mommy do those." And when dgs got out the stockings for the mantle, I said, "Do we hang one for Granddaddy?" DGS said, "Why wouldn't we?' So I think I'm just looking for something to be sad about... as much time as they spent with dh, maybe they will keep good memories. But that was dh's big fear, that DGD especially would forget about him.

2nd, I'm sad about how we will do Christmas with my dmom. She has turned it over to me; she is just not able to do the big meal we've always had with her. She asked me yesterday if I had decided whether to let ddil help me cook or if I wanted to just take them to Cracker Barrel. DS really has no preference -- "whatever is easiest for you" he says -- but when I told him I just didn't think I could do country ham for 6 people, he said he would definitely vote for CB, or Waffle House -- ddil's preference. (This is for the 26th, or some other day -- I think we stopped doing Christmas Day when ddil's parents moved here and/or when dbro couldn't get home in time.) Dbro will not be coming this year, so it's just the six of us. Dmom/me/DS & family.

So I've done less than nothing today. (So far the anti-procrastination app hasn't proven to be any quick fix, you see.)
Pastor called and wanted me to come sign some letters for the bank. When I told her I needed to shower, she said she would just sign for me if that was okay with me. It definitely was!

I need to take a shower and go to the post office. It's almost time that I could take my bedtime shower for tomorrow morning... BUT... I need to wash my hair. So -- the plan for tonight --
[ ] shower, wash hair
[ ] post office (newspaper & mail -- I'd skip this but this is the day I get two newspapers! Daily and local weekly.)
[ ] stew for supper on this cold, rainy night
[ ] work on Christmas cards (started last night)
Tomorrow -- NO EXCUSES
[ ] color hair
[ ] bank -- something else I need to sign for church
[ ] grocery store, cookies for church -- we do hot chocolate and cookies before the Christmas parade tomorrow night
[ ] parade w/dgrands
[ ] DGD spend the night

One good thing -- lady doing the memory bears texted just now for clarification on colors, and confirmed that she will have the bears in a few days! I'm so excited to get those, and I hope that will help ease my mind re: worry #1 above.

hello everyone. It seems I havent been on here for ages.

Dgs has thrown everything possible all over his bedroom and thrown leggo all over the dining room which was his and his mum's room. Dgs wants to put up the tree he and his mum had in there but I am refusing to get it out of the loft until I have managed to clear up the room, he will not help me so it may not be soon. He has also thrown leggo around our living room.

I happened to be in a conversation with 2 ladies at church. Both are tidy people unlike me but one has a disabled husband and she has a lot of legal type stuff to do. Her husband wants to go out all the time and she has no time for housework, she wants to get a cleaner but he refuses, Other lady has to run around after her grandchildren and taxi them around so has no time to herself or do housework. My dh wants to go out all the time but expects me to do everything. I do see life would be more doable if everything was tidy and cleanish but I was surprised that 2 other people have the same sort of exasperation as me though the details are different.

We went to the funeral of a friend at church today, and went to ther crem afterwards and also the wake so most of the day was taken up. The new vicarand the rector took the service. We were impressed how well he brushes up, which means dressed in , black with a dog collar on, we had only seen him in old jeans and a sweater. The vicar brought his church with him and it is a steep learning curve, we thought we were low church but this is greatly lower now. It is very loud but dgs loves it.

I intend to make a Christmas Lunch for me dgs and his dad. We have talked about how we will miss dd and she would understand if we are sad but she wouldn't want us to be miserable. We will see how it goes. Dh is veggie and makes his own, I would do his too but he wants to eat overboiled vegetables so never mind. I have a bottle of Baileys for Christmas day and we might get some chocolates given to us by playgroup mums.

Bye for now, will try to come on here more often.

CI:
[x] shower, wash hair
[x] post office (newspaper & mail -- I'd skip this but this is the day I get two newspapers! Daily and local weekly.)
[x] stew for supper on this cold, rainy night
[ ] work on Christmas cards (started last night)
[x] did a load of laundry

So I did get off to a good start -- FINALLY!!!

I must do better tomorrow.

VergersWife -- it's good to see you back! Believe me, IKWYM about grandson messing up the house. My dgrands are here most of the time on the weekends, and during school holidays. And they can be sooo messy.
And holidays are hard. This is my second holiday season without dh and I've been having a hard day today. I'm okay now, but I can't guarantee how I'll be in an hour.

DH's cousin has called me -- his only girl cousin, who is about my mother's age -- and I really enjoy talking to her.

BBL --

I enjoyed talking to dh's cousin.

I am considering buying an electric fireplace -- you know, those heaters that look like a fireplace? I think it will fit inside my actual fireplace, which has never been used. I know that's crazy. A furniture store in town has one advertised on sale for $299. I don't know what the regular price is, but I'm thinking I may go look at it tomorrow. I know dmom will give me $ for Christmas, which will not pay the whole price, but will be part of it.
Does anyone have one?

Also... do y'all think that's terrible if we just go out and eat for Christmas with my dmom? I just don't know what to do -- DS says the fact that I am puzzling over it shows that I don't want to try to cook the whole thing -- bacon, ham, scrambled eggs, biscuits. And he's probably right, but I hate to admit that I can't do it -- or don't want to do it? I just don't know.

I’m going to wait till Saturday to color my hair. I’ll have more time.

Hi LucyLee!!

Just had to post in the "husbands/health" post. Frightening conversation with dh. He just showed me that he is having some issues with memory. Not able to sleep after our brief conversation. Trying not to cry. Also slightly embarrassed regarding the colour of the pillow. Reminder to self... that pillow obviously needs to be washed.