Is there some area of your household in which you'd like to be more sensitive to time?
Mmmm.... everything?
Just told my group today -- teacher's meeting -- that I hate to admit it but I just cannot discipline myself and accomplish anything without that bell ringing every 50 minutes, telling me it's time for the next thing. Here I am, retired for 5 1/2 years and what have I done with all this TIME???
(Well, as I told dfriend sitting beside me, I've spent a lot of it taking dmom to the doctor and babysitting dgrandchildren. But that's beside the point.)Someone told me I could just set my own bell on my phone and use it, but it is not the same. At school, there were 30 expectant faces looking at me, looking to ME to direct the next thing, every 50 minutes. There was a principal and ass't principal who might at any moment pop in and just OBSERVE what I was doing, looking to me to be efficient and in-control, and there were other teachers all along the hall, doing the same thing, to compare myself to and judge myself against.
Well, you ladies are here, and I DO compare myself to y'all and judge myself against your accomplishments, and let me tell you... I know I come up short. * whew * A LONG way short...
And dmom would say the first thing I need to change is to stop staying up till 3:00 a.m. and sleeping till 11:00 a.m.
I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW... I KNOW this is a ridiculous and embarrassing schedule for any grown adult to keep, but it is what it is. DH is not going to change, and yes, I could insist on a different routine for myself, but it would just be too complicated and not worth it in the long run.
And regardless of when I choose my 16 hours, I still maintain that I still HAVE 16 waking hours in which to be a productive member of society, or at least a productive member of this household. But I feel I'm still spinning my wheels.
Our speaker today said something I am going to try to take to heart. He said, "Set goals for yourself, and then keep them. Be honest with yourself and DO what you SAY you will do."
Well, that's profound, isn't it? Of course, everyone knows that.
But in light of his talk, I have written another 1000 words in my "biography" of dfil. It's a start.
The thing is, as we all know, the best laid plans... often go astray.
When I awoke -- at 10:00 a.m. this morning (b/c of the teacher's meeting at 11:30) -- there was already a message from ds waiting on my phone: "Call me whenever you get up. (DDIL) and I have what (DGD) had this weekend."
Soooo... today, I went on to the meeting, but afterwards, got Gatorade for them, brought dgd here, gave her a bath (since she had not had one since she had gotten sick!) took her to McD's, picked up dgs at school, went with dh to eat supper with them, gave dgs his bath (so ds/ddil would have one less thing to deal with) and took them home, with Jello and Zofran for ddil.
And I haven't even talked to dmom re: HER appt with the foot doctor. Who knows WHAT that little 15 minute conversation will mean for my future?
* sheesh *
DON'T GET ME WRONG -- AND I KNOW Y'ALL UNDERSTAND --
I am SOOO glad I am healthy and available to do these things for these people -- and to be totally honest, I might not be much more productive if I lived alone in this town and had no one who needed me for one single thing. I might have slept till noon and read novels till midnight, regardless.
I just need an attitude adjustment and something to make me wake myself up and train myself to JUST DO IT.
I have a GREAT checklist for the day... I just leave too many blanks unchecked at the end of each day.