Success on Tuesday

[OKay]

Twins - I agree with Bookie. However, I'm the last person that should be giving Mother/daughter relationship advice.

My morning started off with an upsetting phone call from DMom. She was in rip-roaring mood. My phone is set to record all phone conversations (it deletes them after 24 hours) so I listened to our conversation after she finished yelling and hung up on me. I'm trying to make sense of it. Everything I said seemed to make her extremely angry.
Mom: Yesterday finished up my last appointment (she got cap put on tooth).
Me: Mom, I'm proud of how well you are adjusting and getting all your things taken care of.
Mom" Why do people keep saying I'm grieving? I'M NOT GRIEVING!! (YELLING)
Me: Mom, I didn't say you are grieving. I said adjusting.
Mom: I'm not adjusting to anything. I'm just living my life.
Me: Okay Mom. But I'm still proud of how well you are doing.
Mom" I'm tired of people telling me that.


I'm going to restart my morning and hopefully not let it ruin the day.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

(((OKay)))

You tried. And it is obvious that she doesn't want any encouragement so let her enjoy the good things in her life (her grand and great-grandchildren), remind her that you are available if she wants company as she goes about her living, and keep the words of encouragement to yourself since they seem to remind her that she's on her own.

Sometimes well-intentioned praise can sound patronizing. Here's an example:

Yesterday I deposited $200 into our bank account. That represents all I earned preaching for the month of July (4 services, but 3 were half-length at the retirement home which pays a pittance.) Dh said how proud he was of me and I scoffed. He then realized that it sounded patronizing since he gets paid more for an hour of work than I made in July but he really didn't mean it that way. He was proud that others recognize my work by paying me for it.

[Twins' Mom]

((OKay)) Your dmom must be having a not-so-good morning as I'm sure that's not usual for her; I bet she will be more together next time you talk.

Yes, I guess I agree - what seems like a basic cold to me (with a decent immune system) could be very hard on either dmom or dsis or dsis' nursing home companions. And I certainly can use some down time at home. There is a local event here that is being touted and televised today so may spend some time watching.

[Nancy]

{{{Okay}}} Ouch for your mom's cap being put on.
Dson had a dds apt. yesterday did say he was going to think about having one pulled bc of issues and over crowding.

I've been fighting the sniffles and have been a bit down the past couple days trying to keep moving.

BS was down the other day up today hormonal issues and the last of the pm insulin sigh so called for the replacement one in the fridge have two more to call about the other place is open I need to do that asap. poofers

Dgkids are here baking cookies this morning for them they are helping.

[OKay]

(((Group Hug))))

LO and I spent some time outside. Took care of turtle (hauled 4 miles away and turned loose) and then had an unsuccessful hunt for tomato worms.

Lunch has been served (left over - choice of burrito, taco, beans or spaghetti) and kitchen cleaned up.

While LO take a nap, I'm going to focus on paperwork.

[Kathryn-in-Canada]

Ds is up and now out of here. He took quite a bit of fruit and breads with him for his 'dinner'. He had too much fruit on Saturday and had a rough couple of days as a result (he can't always leave his post to go to the bathroom since he works switchboard alone.) He got to the point that he made sure he always knew where the closest and next closest bathrooms were before heading off. He's hoping the addition of breads will help avoid the problem again.

I've made a hamburg chowder so I can freeze single servings for myself. I've also done some reading and made notes for the sermons.

Need to get this week out of the way because I have a tighter deadline for the following week since it isn't my church.

[lucylee]

We've been on baby duty since about noon, but it's okay -- I walked 2 miles, pushing dgs in stroller, and then he played in the floor in our bedroom for an hour or so. Awfully messy in there but it is the most "baby-proof" room in the house. I just fed him and I wish he would take a nap, b/c I can tell he is sleepy, but ds & ddil will probably be back before I even finish posting this.

Also spent some time chatting online via phone w/dcousin while watching dgs play.

This is not the dcousin who has cancer; this is a different cousin on the other side of the family. She's going through a lot of stuff too, though, and I hope I was encouraging a little bit at least to her.

Washed a load of clothes, hung to dry.

So... maybe that's a little success for the day, so far?
I'm going to wash another load as soon as I s2s -- after ds/ddil pick up dgs and I can put my walking clothes in the washer, too.

Oh -- and (((BIG HUGS))) for OKay AND your dmom... but don't tell your dmom I sent her a (((HUG)))! I think Kathryn is exactly right -- well-intentioned praise just isn't what your dmom wants to hear right now. I think she wants everyone to act like things are perfectly normal... so that's all you can do... just hang in there and be there when she needs you.

Same sorta story here, I guess. Tomorrow dmom needs me to take her back to bunion doctor. Oh my goodness I dread all this... 3 weeks she'll be in a cast after next week, and then oh. my. goodness. When she decides to do the other foot, she won't even be able to DRIVE for three weeks. Good grief. But I'm getting ahead of myself; we'll make it okay, I'm sure... whew. Three weeks passes pretty fast.

[DeeClutter]

Took dsgd13 to her orthodontist at the University where ddil#2 works. She's always a joy to have around. Must say I'm now confused as to how many rooms DS-A is adding on to their house -thought he said 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom. Dsgd says dgs13's room will be an office and there are 2 bedrooms being added. Guess I'll find out eventually.

[lucylee]

(((Dee))) Thinking of you as these next few days play out... is this dgd from Florida that you are talking about?

[Cowinkie]

Okay....Two things come to mind..
Yep sounds like your mom is grieving and stuck in the anger stage. My mom went through the same thing. In fact sometimes my mother now trusts me enough to say...I'm so angry at your dad for........... fill in the blank. Your mom lives alone like my mom does. I think when they are alone they begin to review their lives of what should and shouldn't be. My mom was like...Don't people think I can take care of myself??? I took care of your dad for 5 years, I do know what I'm doing. ... Normally my mom never raised her voice. When my mom first started venting to me...or yelling...It took me by surprise. Then as I had time to think about it, I realized her anger was just part of the process. I just spent 10 days with my mom...wanna guess what some of our conversations were like.

I find that since my dad has died, my relationship with my mother has become much stronger. Once she was able to start verbalizing her feelings to me...something she had never done in the past .... we've been able to talk about issues that even I wasn't aware of. This last week with her was a duzzer

Your story about the turtle reminded me of one with my son. When he was LO age we found a turtle. We were on our way home from school and he was in the middle of the road. My son made me stop to move it and then asked if he could keep it. Always one who looks for teaching moments I agreed, but with conditions. First we would keep "Snappy" for a certain length of time...2 days if I remember correctly. Second my son was responsible for providing a shelter, and then he had to come up with a way to feed and water him. My son had to agree when the time period was over there would be no arguing about returning a wild animal to its home. Snappy's home became a card board box with a lid for water and one for his food. When the time came to let Snappy go, my son said he had the perfect place. There was a pond in the wilds on the way to school. He made me stop so he could release Snappy. Then every day after that when we drove by the pond my son would roll down the window, wave and yell ...Hi Snappy. This went on for the entire school year. Thanks for reminding me ...nice memory to make me smile.